Friday, January 23, 2009

What agreement?

This has very little to do with cooking but, since it's my Kitchen, I'll say what I want. So, with that introduction, here goes...


I am annoyed. I am really, really annoyed. Until recently it has been possible to depend on verbal agreements or, in some cases, an unspoken social contract to ensured the wheels of societal interaction are kept greased and moving smoothly.

Seems it ain't so no more.

For years we have been sharing our food with a long-time friend who lives by himself out in the country. He hasn't much cash and we felt, since we had enough at each meal we could certainly share with him. The only caveat to this was that he keep, and bring back, all the storage containers in which he received his share. This arrangement worked nicely for all concerned. I didn't have to deal with leftovers and he ate well.

This morning, finding myself totally out of containers for some soup I wanted to freeze, I called him. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey, you. How's it going today?"

"OK, girl. How are you?"

"Doin' good. You staying warm? Nothing frozen up?"

"Nope. The well is great and all the animals are in shelter."

"Glad to hear it. I wanted to see if you could bring my containers in to me. Or you could just put them in a bag and stick them in the truck. I'd pick them up later?"

"Uh... um well... uh..."

"What's the matter? Don't you know where they are?"

"Um (insert considerable hemming and hawing here)..."

"Did you get rid of them? Can you get them back?"

"(more hemming and hawing)"

"Ok, no problem. Stay warm."

"Yeah."

"Bye."

"Bye."

All right, yeah, we aren't talking Rolex watches or something worth thousands of dollars. There were dozens of containers, though, and it will cost me a fair amount of cash to replace them all. That really isn't the point, is it?

The point is that we had an agreement. A verbal contract. Word given means word kept? It did at one time.

Another case in point is the mentally handicapped guy who has picked up our empty cans for years. The agreement with him was that he could have the cans but he must bring his own bags for them and make sure he had transportation here and back to his own home. This one has fallen through, too.

He came over last weekend for cans. No problem at all on our end. Just stick them in your bags and scoot. I was taking a nap, Himself was watching football and, since there was no reason to think otherwise, we just left him to his own devices.

I woke up some time later and went to the garage to get something from the freezer for supper. The cans were gone, sure. So was our whole supply of 45 gallon black bags. WTF??? I came back in and told Himself that all the bags were gone. He turns and looks at me and then stated that it turned out HE was expected to give the guy a ride back to town, 10 miles both ways. So, not only does he have 20 bucks worth of cans, all our bags, but he thinks we are a taxi service?

Again, a spoken agreement that had been observed by the parties is no more. Two previously amicable relationships have been ruptured by the selfish and self-serving actions of two adults who knew better.

I dislike being draconian about things but, in this case? Neither of them had better call and ask for something because they ain't gettin' it.

Word given, word broken? Trust gone.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dragonmom, I can see why you would be upset. I think we all give hoping that we will be at least met half way. What you asked in return, in exchange for free and no-doubt healthy, wonderful food or allowing the man to cash in your cans, seems minor, understandable and quite simple, even no effort. Here is a hug and a pat on the back to say, you done good, girl, you did your best and it is ok to feel let down.

dragonmom said...

Thanks, sweetie. Will take a while to get over this, I think. Especially container man, whom I have known all my life... *sigh*