Shame on you!

As I have noted in the past, we get our beef, pork and chicken from an organic farmer up to our northeast. They only use antibiotics when a beast is ill and all of their animals are out grazing in green pastures and the chickens are pecking around the barnyard, eating bugs and things, like chickens do. The quality of the products we get from Kelli and Matt are exceptional and we have never had one hint of a problem. Until now...

Don't think that what happened with this hog is their fault because it isn't. It's the fault of the locker, the butcher and whatever the hell they did to that poor beast before slaughter. Matt and Kelli care for their beasts, treat them well, don't abuse them nor prod, poke or shock them. They are raised kindly, taken care of and then, at the end, they should be dispatched quickly and as mercifully as possible.

The poor hog was massively stressed just before death. This fact shows in the resulting meat. Bacon, ham, roasts, steak, even bottom layers of fat, are riddled with dozens and dozens of petachiae, tiny ruptured blood vessels. This is what it looks like:


This sickens me to the core of my being. Why? Because that poor hog died horribly afraid. I worked at a locker plant years ago and can still hear the screams* of stressed hogs. My employer then never, and I mean NEVER, slaughtered a hog when it was in that state. He let them out of the chute and put them back in a pen to calm down. In some cases, he called the producer and had them come get the beast and take it back to the farm, just to avoid the kind of fearsome death this beast suffered.

I emailed this photograph to Kelli, telling her that I didn't believe this resulted from any action of theirs, but from something that happened at the locker. She emailed back and said they had problems with this previously but the locker owner told them it was THEIR fault. What gall, what incredible face-out gall on his part. I told her just how this happens and that hogs are particularly sensitive to stress and fear, being smart beasts. Then I put forward the suggestion that she call their vet and consult with him about the situation and show him the photograph. He acknowledged that my verdict was absolutely spot-on.

The result is that Matt and Kelli are removing their business from that particular locker and taking it elsewhere. They have been touring various facilities, based on the vet's advice, over the last couple of weeks and I received an email from her Monday evening that they believe they have found a more humane place to do business.

This will impact the locker negatively and, since the owner has shown no intention of changing his practices, it will serve him right. We rather will honor the beasts that give their lives so we may live and we will not knowingly contribute to unneeded suffering. If we choose to eat meat, we must do so with as much gratitude and humanity as our hearts can find.


* Yes, they scream. It's a sound I never want to hear again in my lifetime.

You want easy? I got easy....

One of my biggest concerns about returning to work full time this year was the issue of meals. My shift starts at 4 eastern but it's necessary to be signed in and ready to go some time before then since there are many things to catch up with every day. That fact alone makes the kind of cooking I have done for many years nearly impossible so I've had to figure out other ways of doing things. With the help of my friend Karen, her genius and instinct, I have been able to do this. I owe this one to her. Thank you, Karen, you are incredible.
Slow cooker meals, braised dishes, along with "fend for yourself night," has made it possible to eat well without a lot of fussing. The following recipe is a staple for us, hearty, rich and flavorful without much work at all. It doesn't matter what size your potatoes are cut into just as long as the pieces are thick enough to withstand hours of cooking. Onions should be about 3/4 inch thick slices, other than that, this is pretty self-explanatory. This will serve about 4 people. Try it and enjoy...

Easy 4-ingredient Supper

• 1 ring sausage, kielbasa is great for this, 2 inch chunks
• 1/2 pound good quality bacon, cut into 1 - 2 inch pieces
• 1 softball size onion (about 1 1/2 pounds of regular onions), thick cut
• 5 or 6 large red potatoes (any kind works, actually) cut into equal size chunks
• 1 pint ham stock
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• ground black pepper

Put the bacon and sausage in a heavy frying pan, bringing heat up just until the bacon begins rendering out fat. Brown meat slightly but don't cook it all the way through. Bring ham stock to boil, reduce heat and maintain. Turn cooker to high.

While meats are browning, put half the onion slices in the bottom of your cooker. Add half the meats and half the potatoes. Sprinkle with parsley and pepper. Repeat with rest of ingredients, including bacon fat. Pour hot stock over all and cover tightly. Cook on high until stock returns to a boil, turn control to low and re-cover.

Allow this to cook for at least 4 hours, 5 or more is better and even longer won't hurt at all. Keep at least an inch of liquid in the bottom of the cooker at all times.

Serve in bowls with hearty bread and cooked cabbage if you want...

Chicken and dumplings with herbs...

...in the slow cooker.

Winter is coming on and young men's fancy turns to comfort food. Warming the cockles of the heart today, I present an all time favorite, Chicken and Dumplings. This will serve 4 really hungry young'uns or 6 not-so-hungry ones. I, like my late father, am not fond of boiled chicken and, since that is the basis of most recipes for this dish, we don't have it much. I think he would approve of this variation as it's boosted with garlic, herbs and pearl onions. Use as much or as little garlic and herbs as you like as this is an individual judgment call on the cook's part. This recipe is a combination of ideas and ingredients from several sources. I would like to thank Annie for the sour cream/yogurt idea, in particular.

Unlike many recipes I have seen, this one doesn't have cream of chicken, mushroom or celery soup. It's thickened at the end (if it needs to be thickened at all) with either sour cream or a nice smooth yogurt. If you don't like that idea, go ahead and remove your dumplings, chicken and everything, plate them up and make gravy from the liquid in the cooker. After all, it's your table and your crew, do what makes your eaters happy...

Herbed Chicken and Dumplings

• 4 - 5 pound chicken, whole
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 - 3 garlic cloves, minced or finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon marjoram
• 1 teaspoon thyme
• 1 teaspoon dried sage, crumbled
• 2 bay leaves
• 1/2 pound pearl onions (I use the frozen ones)
• 24 ounces water
• 1/4 cup fine lard
• 1/4 cup dry vermouth (optional)
• 1 cup sour cream or yogurt, room temperature
• 2 cups all purpose flour*
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoon solid fat or shortening
  
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• 3/4 cup buttermilk or soured whole milk**

In a heavy pot, heat the lard until sizzling. Using tongs, add the whole chicken, turning to brown well. Add water, cover and simmer until partially done. This takes about an hour or so and it's more like steaming the bird than boiling since the water will only partially cover the bird. Turn off heat and remove chicken from pot, let it cool enough to handle and cut thighs off, remove backbone and cut through the breastbone into halves. Place chicken in cooker, turn to high to preheat. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and herbs. Add onions around the bird.

While chicken is cooling, return pot to stove top and bring to boil. Add thighs to pot and contents of gizzard bag if you want to. Add vermouth. When liquid has come to a full boil, carefully pour over the ingredients in the cooker then cover.

Cook for 5 - 6 hours, depending on your particular cooker's settings. When chicken is done and falling from bones, strain all ingredients through a colander. Pick chicken from bones, return to cooker with onions. I don't put the bay leaves back in but you can if you want. If you think there is too much broth to leave room for dumplings, don't use all of it. Just jar it up and put it in the freezer for future use.

Your broth will have cooled some so pour the broth over the chicken, turn the cooker to high and proceed to dumpling making. Mix dry ingredients in a small bowl. Work fat in until the consistency is like coarse meal. Add milk, gradually stirring with a fork until just moistened. When broth is bubbling, pinch off hunks of the dumpling dough and drop right in with chicken, onions and broth. Recover and cook on high for about 30 minutes or until dumplings are done.

Remove dumplings, chicken, onions, plate and cover. At this point you can either stir the sour cream into the broth and dress the plated food or make gravy. It's up to you.

* Or use equivalent baking mix.
** You can use evaporated milk, too. Just proceed as usual, sour the e.m. and add to the dry.

...the eye of the beholder.

Ladies and gentlemen, foodie friends and gentle readers, is this a thing of beauty or is it not?


It is a thing of beauty to me, worth almost it's weight in gold. My appreciation stems from knowledge that few people have a source for solid leaf fat, fresh-trimmed. Not only fresh and fresh-smelling but from beeves raised on grass, free-ranging, no growth hormones, no genetic modifications.

I estimate there to be between 10 and 15 pounds of the stuff. By the time it is trimmed and rendered it will reduce significantly. Final yield may be 5 pounds or so. About 1/2 pound of that will be made into small blocks for the birds this winter. The rest I will use for cooking.

All you low-fat aficionados are having mild seizures at the thought, aren't you? I can hear faint echoes of your protests that we must have massively occluded arteries, sky-high cholesterol, be grossly overweight, horribly unhealthy! My sincere apologies to you all but none of that is true. When used properly, finely rendered beef fat can be a great addition to a cook's bag of tricks. The real trick is knowing how to properly use it....

Preparation of fresh leaf fat* isn't hard but it does take time and a really sharp boning knife. To clean and prepare the fat for rendering, cut off as much clean fat as possible. Be careful not to cut into any of the kidney tissue or remaining hunks of meat. Discard the meat scraps and organs. Cut the remaining clean fat into small pieces and dump them into a large, heavy pot. Add just enough water to cover by about a half inch, turn cooktop to low and bring water barely to a simmer. If it's hard to maintain a simmer, use a heat diffuser under the pot. It's important to keep the heat so low that the fat renders slowly without burning.

As the fat renders, the liquid level will go down. Keep the rendering fat covered at all times. I find it will take this much fat around 4 days to render out totally so don't start the process if you don't have the time. When there is nothing solid left in your pot but pieces of connective tissue and some bits of coarse fat, cool the pot's contents a bit and strain through several thicknesses of fine cotton towels. Set the container with the fat/liquid in a cool place, like a fridge or garage until the fat solidifies on the surface of whatever liquid is in the pot. Working quickly, pull the solid fat out of the pot, turn the bottom up and scrape off any coarse nasties you find on the bottom. Those can be tossed.

Break the fat up into pieces and put in a double boiler or nested pots over simmering water. Melt fat and pour into containers. I keep mine in the freezer and thaw as needed.

This rendered fat is used sparingly to sear meats and in larger quantities for mixing empañada dough or deep fat frying potatoes. When using it for frying, make sure you maintain an even heat so your taters don't soak up a lot of fat and get greasy-soggy. Keep a close eye on your fryer and make sure the fat doesn't reach smoke point or you might have a huge problem, a grease fire. After frying, cool fat slightly and strain well. Return what's left to a container and keep it in the fridge, covered tightly, until you want another batch of crispy and non-greasy fried food.

* Leaf fat is the fine white fat surrounding an animal's kidneys. It is very dense to protect the vital organs found inside and after rendering will be extremely hard. This can be used to make tallow candles if you are so inclined... they will burn almost as cleanly as beeswax and are a lot cheaper to make.

The Casserole With No Name

I don't think I have posted this one yet... I hope not. Sometimes memory fails and, since I didn't see it when going back through posts, I guess I will put it up now.

A reader would have figured out by this time that I really enjoy cooking. Sometimes, though, I just haven't time nor the spare mental energy to spend lots of time putting something tasty together. In those instances, casseroles and one dish meals are truly great. In addition, having to be at work (so to speak, since I work right here but it is a real job) at 3:30 in the afternoon makes preparing a fancy meal pretty much impossible. Never having been a fan of slow cookers nor casseroles, which I ate waaay too many of as a child, this is all new territory for me but I am learning. Maybe unwillingly, but needs must as the devil (or paycheck) drives. So, with that all as a frame of reference, here is the Casserole With No Name....

• 1 1/2 pounds ground beef
• 15 ounces canned tomato sauce or equivalent fresh
• garlic powder, to taste
• black pepper, to taste
• 8 ounces dry egg noodles
• 8 ounces room temp sour cream
• 6 ounces room temp cream cheese
• 1/2 cup diced green chilis (jalapenos work very nicely, thankyouverymuch)
• 6 green onions, white and green diced fine (or just mince up half a white onion)
  
• 1 1/2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese

Bring a pot of water to a boil, add the noodles. Cook until al dente but not nearly to serving tooth. Remove from heat, drain and rinse well. Set aside.
Heat oven to 350F.
Brown the beef, making sure it is nice and crumbly. Pour tomato sauce over. Add the garlic and pepper, stir in well. Allow to simmer for 15 minutes or so until thickened.
Mix sour cream, cream cheese, onions and chilis together. It does help if you use your hand mixer to do this, makes the mixture nice and fluffy.

Find a lasagna pan or a casserole dish, 8 x 13 with 2" sides, either grease it with butter or use cooking spray.
Place all the noodles in the pan. Spread them out evenly.
Pour the beef sauce over the top.
Plop spoonfuls of the sour cream mixture on the sauce and spread it around almost to the edges of the pan.
Next, spread all that grated cheddar on top of the sour cream mixture.
Cover with foil and bake for an hour. Uncover, turn off oven and let dish sit for 15 minutes or so.

This is really good stuff as far as leftovers are concerned, too. Once the casserole has cooled, cut it up into squares and put them on a cookie sheet. Freeze until solid and wrap in foil or vacuum pack. It reheats really well and being in the freezer doesn't seem to do anything but improve the flavor. I think...)

Fort Hood* tragedy

The author wishes to note, with sadness, the shootings at Ft. Hood today. As of right now, 9 are dead, many wounded. 1 suspect in custody with 2 still at large.

For all families and friends of the victims, I express my deepest sympathy and most heartfelt sorrow for this tragic loss of life.


Update 4:45 pm CST: Victim count stands at 12. 1 shooter dead, 2 others in custody. Tragically, all were military personnel.

* Fort Hood, with about 40,000 troops, is home to the Army's 1st Cavalry Division and elements of the 4th Infantry Division, as well as the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and the 13th Corps Support Command. It is located near Killeen, Texas.

A Round Tuit

Having gone back to work this year, I have found that getting things posted here is hard to do. Balancing the necessities of daily life, some small occasions for socializing, while working 2nd shift.. that takes almost more organization and mental gymnastics than I can manage!

There are several recipes that need to be finished, many more I would like to post and a few rants and roses that could use some airtime.

I will get all this done but it will take me some time. Thanks for being patient with me and come back to check on anything new.

Shrimp Creole

Shrimp Creole

Another dish with as many variations as cooks, Shrimp (or chicken) Creole* simply invites experimentation. Once the basic elements of the trinity, tomatoes, peppers, herbs, stock, salt and sugar are dealt with, the preparation is only limited by the cook's own personal preferences.

Yes, the common elements of Creole, Cajun? The basic trinity: onion, celery** and bell peppers. The white trinity? There are various descriptions but the most elementary is onion, celery and parsnips. Tomatoes are vital even though they must be a fairly recent addition. Pepper is not native to the Western Hemisphere but adds a lot to the dish. Cayenne peppers are native and are absolutely vital in this dish. Herbs such as thyme and tarragon, perhaps with an addition of basil, give depth to the preparation. Butter? Yes. Citrus juice? Yes. Sugar, molasses or sorghum? Yes.

Shrimp Creole doesn't need a roux and this makes it an easy dish to prepare. It can simmer for hours and only develops more depth and flavor through that time. Put it in a slow-cooker, set on low and let it go for 8 hours or more? Heaven in the mouth.

Ok, fine... enough of the pontificating and on with the cooking.

Quick shrimp stock

• 2 pounds raw shrimp, shelled (don't toss those shells and keep the shrimp for your creole)
• 2 tablespoons butter

Melt the butter over low heat. Add the shrimp shells, stirring them around until they turn pink. Add a little more water than the amount needed for your recipe and simmer until the full aroma of shrimp has developed, 30 minutes or so. Remove from heat, cool and strain. Toss the shells and keep the stock in the fridge or freezer.

Now that the stock is ready to go, let's get on with the actual Creole....

• 1/2 cup oil
• 3 onions, chopped
• 2 large bell peppers, chopped
• 5 celery ribs, chopped finely
• 10 large tomatoes, peeled or equivalent canned
• cayenne pepper, to taste
• black pepper, to taste
• white pepper, to taste
• 1 T thyme
• 1 T tarragon
• 1 T basil
• 1 1/2 tsp sugar
• bay leaves
• 6 green onions, white and green parts chopped
• 1 c parsley chopped fine

Put your dutch oven on the cooktop, add oil and bring up to heat. When oil is shimmering, add onions, celery and pepper, Reduce heat and soften, about 45 minutes, stirring ocassionally.
Add the tomatoes and other ingredients down to and including the bay leaves.
Keeping heat medium low, simmer this mixture for 2 hours or until it has reduced by about a quarter and thickened.
At this point the sauce can be put in the fridge for up to 2 days. Keeping it will only improve the final flavor, so go ahead!
When it's time to serve your creole, bring the sauce back to the cooktop and bring up almost to a boil very slowly. Stir in the shrimp. Cook until shrimp are pink but be careful not to overcook them as they will be extremely chewy if too done.
Stir in green onions and parsley. Remove from heat.
Serve with a scoop of rice.

That's all there is to it! Go ahead and try a creole, experiment with herbs and proportions. After all, cooking isn't a science, it's an art...

* What or who is Creole? There is no easy answer but this old article may shed some light on the question: First Creoles

** I am not clear on the celery availability some centuries ago. There may be native varieties, such as celeriac and, if so, please let me know.

Missing things

Contrary to what you may have been led to believe by the title of this post, I haven't mislaid any cups of coffee, lost my spectacles, forgotten why I am in this room nor any of the other odd behaviors that lead my family and friends to consider me an endearing, if rather daffy, elder. As a matter of fact, it's been remembering things that is causing me to be missing things.

Earlier this afternoon, Himself, Waggywaggy and I went for a drive. We stopped to take care of an errand or two and, while leaving town, passed several fast food joints. Memories reached forth from some dark recess of my mind, beckoning to me, murmuring of lost places, nigh-on forgotten flavors and scents long vanished anywhere other than memory. Why memory was triggered on this particular day by those particular places is anyone's guess but, for whatever reason, I have been recalling many foods, eating places and special treats that I haven't thought of for years, along with some I think of often.

What would be some of the things I find myself missing? Are they sublime? Ridiculous? Somewhere in between? Yes to all but the valuation of the item itself bears no relationship to the value of the memory.

Who amongst us doesn't miss real, honest to goodness, chocolate syrup? Not chocolate-flavored high fructose corn syrup but real chocolate? Good old Hershey's® in the little brown and white can, opened with a sharp-ended can puncher, poured liberally over ice cream? The drip down the side of the can, surreptitiously wiped with a finger, to be savored as a small prize? Squirt soda or Crush grapefruit soda? The bite of grapefruit, partially balanced by the sweetness of real sugar? Over ice on a hot, hot summer day...

The original Chef Boy Ar Dee Ravioli and Spaghettios with Little Meatballs. I loved those even though I am a bit embarrassed to admit it. The ravioli didn't actually taste like "real" ravioli but, by golly, it was tasty just the same. The little meatballs were kind of chewy and not real meaty but those, too, I loved. The frozen dinners? Remember those old Swanson's dinners? Turkey and dressing, gravy, potatoes, cranberry-apple compote? mmmmmmmmmm Mooshing the dressing cubes up with the gravy made a perfect addition to the thin slices of turkey. The fish dinners with that round cod cake? I don't know what they put in that fish cake but that was just divine, at least to a 10 year old's palate. The "mexican" dinners with rice and enchiladas... fried chicken... salisbury steak....

Tomato soup from a can? "soup and sandwich, soup and sandwich..." Tomatoey goodness, tart and sweet at the same time. Rich, red nectar for the dipping of grilled cheese sandwiches. Sandwichs made, by the way, with real butter? Mmmmmmmmm, good.

Hot fudge sundaes. Fudge squares wrapped in wax paper, melted in a tiny pot, poured over ice cream, pooling around and beneath the frosty scoops of sweet, waiting to be lovingly spooned up.

BK Whoppers and Whalers, sandwiches the size of dinner plates. Real beef, real fish, huge portions from when fast food was actual food. The McD's fries, the original ones, crisp and hot with a vague hint of beefiness. An original Hardee's roast beef sandwich, topped with sauce, juicy and inviting.

Local memories, too. Spic-n-span tenderloins with pickles, onions and mustard. Those little bitty burgers that the elderly sisters downtown dished up. Condiments were available but don't ask for ketchup. They didn't have any and you'd get the evil eye for asking. Suzy-Q spiral fries. mmmmmm! Maid-rite sandwiches, the easiest tasty ever! Ground beef and chicken broth... that's it, really. Ice cream made on-site at Birdsall's, turtle sundaes, marshmallow shakes. Walking out of the ice cream parlor and smelling hot tar, licking that cone fast enough to keep from having ice cream drip down your arm. The bakery that made krispies so light they would melt in your mouth. Costa's restaurant's Greek specialties... Steaks at the Play Pen, the Athenian's Greek salads.

There are also memories of things I don't miss one bit. Horrible foods from the sixties and seventies on which I might decide to elaborate. Later...

Rarebit, anyone?

Welsh Rarebit or Welsh Rabbit? Regardless of regional variations, the name is an oddity and seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with Wales or anywhere else as far as I've ever heard. (Regardless of Looney Tunes, the dish has nothing to do with hassenpfeffer, even though that is simply German for "rabbit stew.") I adore any of the variations of this dish, being a huge fan of cheese, mustard, cayenne and beer.

Thanks to my dear friend, Tartiflette, I can present you with the basic recipe for Rarebit and two regional variations, Yorkshire and Scots. So, on with the cheeseing!

Basic Welsh Rarebit (the classic with cheese, mustard and ale)

This is supposed to serve two but around here it's barely enough for me! I like more cayenne, too.

• 2 slices bread
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• dash salt
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire
  
• 1/2 ounce butter
• 3 ounces cheddar cheese, grated
• 1 tablespoon beer or ale

Mix all ingredients but the bread together. Set aside.
Toast bread lightly on one side.
Spread cheese mixture on untoasted side of bread.
Broil until cheese is melted and bubbly.
Enjoy hot!

Yorkshire Rarebit (crisp bacon and is made with Wensleydale*)

• 1 3/4 ounces butter
• 1 3/4 ounces plain flour
• 1 1/8 cup milk
• 1 1/8 cup black sheep ale or an ale of your choice
• 1 1/8 cup mature Wensleydale cheese
• 1 tsp. English mustard powder
• 2 slice streaky bacon, fried until crisp and crumbled
  
• few drops of Worcestershire, to taste
• 1 egg
• 4 Ciabatta rolls

Melt butter and add flour. Make into a roux, stir in milk and ale.

Stir over heat until a stiff sauce forms. Add the mustard powder and the Worchestershire, stir in and add the cheese. Stir until melted. When all melted, add the egg and bacon and stir.

Cut the ciabatta rolls into half and toast, top each piece with some of the cheese mixture and brown under the broiler. Serve with a little salad or as a savoury at the end of a meal.


Scotch Rarebit (Straight from Mrs Beeton, who evidently wasn't a big fan of punctuation. The cook is assumed to know what the proportions are to produce the desired result.)

• Rich Cheese, few slices
• Toast
• Mustard
• Pepper

Cut some nice rich sound cheese into rather thin slices.
Melt in a cheese toaster on a hot plate or over steam.
When melted, add a small quantity of mixed mustard and a seasoning of pepper.
Stir the cheese until it is completely dissolved.
Brown it before the heat or with a salamander.
Fill the bottom of the cheese toaster with hot water and serve with dry or buttered toasts, whichever may be preferred.
A cheese toaster has a hot water reservoir, the cheese is melted in the upper tin, which is placed in another vessel of boiling water, so keeping the preparation beautifully hot.
A small quantity of porter or port wine, is sometimes mixed with the cheese, and if it be not very rich, a few pieces of butter may be mixed with it to great advantage.
Sometimes the melted cheese is spread on the toasts and then laid in the cheese dish at the top of the hot water.
Whichever way it is served, it is highly necessary that the mixture be very hot and very quickly served or it will be worthless.



* As far as I'm concerned, there isn't anything made with Wensleydale that isn't absolutely delicious.

The tail is wagging the ox

People who buy all their meat in those plastic-entombed packages at the supermarket don't know just how tasty oxtail soup can be. We're lucky to live in a farming region and have access to a locker that is willing to supply all kinds of odds and ends that are missing from commercial stores like the big chains. Oxtail is one of my favorite types of soup, astonishingly rich and hearty.
If you can find a tail or two, give it a try! It's not hard and you will be very pleased with the results. It's possible to substitute inexpensive cuts of bone-in beef but it won't be the same. Oxtail has a very distinct flavor, beefy but not like arm roast or sirloin. The end result using oxtail will be a richer and heartier soup than any other cut you could use.

Oxtail Soup
serves 4

• 1 oxtail, whole
• 2 onions, rough chop
• 1 large carrot, scraped and sliced into 1" pieces
• 2 celery ribs, 1" pieces
• 2 cups diced tomatoes with peel
• 4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
• oil

Heat oven to 450F while prepping vegetables.

Put all vegetables into a heavy roasting pan, pour a small amount of oil over the vegetables, toss to coat.
Rub tail with oil, place on top of the vegetables.
Put pan in oven and roast all until veg. has browned nicely, stirring every once in a while to prevent too much sticking.

• 4 cups beef broth
• 1/2 cup dry red wine

Bring broth and wine to a slow boil at the very ends of the roasting process. Reduce to simmer.

Turn oven off, allow pan and contents to cool some.
Remove meat from pan, place in slow cooker or large stockpot.
Add all vegetables to pot or cooker, set aside.
Return roasting pan to cooktop on medium high heat. Deglaze with the broth and wine mixture, scraping up all the lovely bits from the bottom. (some of them may seem a bit burnt but that will be ok as long as they aren't totally charred.) Pour the pan liquids into your cooking vessel, stir well.

For a slow cooker, turn heat to low and simmer until meat is tender and falling off the bones, anywhere from 2 to 6 hours, depending on the size of the oxtail. Turn heat off, strain through a colander. Set broth in a cool place or the refrigerator to solidify and remove the fat.

For a stock pot, bring contents to full boil, reduce heat just to where the liquid is simmering, cover loosely. Simmer until meat is tender, as above. Turn heat off, strain through a colander. Set broth in a cool place or the refrigerator to solidify and remove the fat.

Discard the vegetables.* Remove meat from bone being careful to leave the spinal matter intact as you don't really want to use that.

• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 carrots, scraped, cut into 1" pieces
• 1 celery rib, cut into 1" pieces (I don't put celery in but some folks like it.)
• 3 large red potatoes, peeled and quartered
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 sprig thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
• 4 sprigs parsley or 3 teaspoons dried parsley
• 2 cloves garlic, mashed (optional)**
  
• additional red wine, broth or water, to taste and as needed

Return liquid and meat to stock pot (I don't use a slow cooker for this last part.) Bring to simmer and add the vegetables and herbs. At a very slow boil, cook the soup until the vegetables are all tender, 2 to 4 hours. If the stock becomes too thick or the soup seems to be drying too much before the vegetables are done, add liquids as desired. It's a good idea to taste the broth to see just what it is that is needed. What you add will depend on what kind of wine you used in the first steps as well as the relative strength of your broth. You may add salt and pepper sometime near the end of the cooking process, too.

The result will be a soup with a lovely rich consistency but not too thick. Serve hot with biscuits or good bread for soaking up the broth, maybe a nice salad on the side. Great stuff for winter days...


* Another option for the vegetables? If they aren't too done, as in mooshy, keep them. When they are totally cool, put them in a blender with about 1/2 cup chicken stock and puree. Stir this into the broth before you put the next lot of vegetables in. Darned roasted veg smells and tastes so good that it's a shame to waste all of that.
** To lessen the "bite" of the garlic either simmer it for about 10 minutes or roast it. Either method gives a smoother taste that blends well with the other ingredients and the richness of the broth.

Jamaican-style jerk brine

The chicken turned out beautifully, crispy golden, tender and savory. This is an approximation of the combination of ingredients used in the brine solution. (I really must start writing things down as I go along 'cause I forget what I've done and must cast about to redo it.)

• Chicken sufficient for the number of eaters, cut up or whole
• 3/4 cup kosher salt
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 quarts broth, vegetable or chicken
• 1 tablespoon hickory smoke flavor if not grilling
• 1 cup white vinegar (optional)
• 4 scotch bonnets, stemmed and minced (don't forget the gloves)
• 1/2 cup green onion, minced (sub same amount of finely chopped white onion if you wish)
• 1/2 cup lime juice (if you can get it)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons thyme
• 2 tablespoon allspice, crushed berries or ground
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 3 teaspoons cayenne pepper
• 3 teaspoons rubbed sage
• 2 teaspoons ginger, peeled and grated
• 2 teaspoons nutmeg
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon, ground

Combine all ingredients except scotch bonnets, in a large stock pot, bring to boil. Reduce heat, give it a good long smell to see if you have enough spice, if not add some more. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Place chicken in pot and add enough cold water to cover the bird totally. Keep it submerged during the brining process by using a plate inverted over it. Refrigerate for up to 24 hours.
Remove chicken from brine. Discard brine.
Pat bird dry, rub all over with butter. Add another layer of flavor by using a paste rub after the butter. (Busha Browne's is really, really good and you can get it online.)
Cook bird in whatever manner you wish. I did it in the oven, 450F for 15 minutes, 375 for another hour or so, until done. Grilling is also good.

Goodbye

Goodbye.
Gone ahead.
Seeing what you always knew was there. Gone ahead.
Dreams in life and life's dreams, apparent.
Goodbye.
Gone ahead.

Written for my dear friend Stacy, who unexpectedly died of a brain aneurysm many years before what should have been her time. A marvelous cook, dear friend, loving and proud parent.
Good bye, Stace... gone ahead.

A pinch here, a tad there...

One Thing Leads to Another

Decided to clean the front of the microwave today (you all already know what I think of that mike...) so sprayed it down with my handy-dandy refilled, environmentally friendly citrus cleaner. YUCK! Ok, clean the mike. Done. With the face of that thing shining, the faceboard above it looked a bit grungy. Hey, no prob. Spray that down, clean! Yay... no, wait a minute. Now the doors above the faceboard above the mike really look bad and those stupid white ceramic handles are pretty gross. Remove doors, dropping screw between stove and cupboard. Pry fingers from goo on doors. Remove hardware. Slather on citrus cleaner. Nope, that's not doing it. Try gel dishwasher detergent. Ok, that works. scrubscrubscrub rinse. Yuck, just yuck. Repeat on remaining 3 doors and hardware. Figured it's a good thing my grossitude index is pretty high or this would've done me in. The knobs took a little extra attention, too. Like a razor blade to remove encrusted whatever-that-is. I think I'll throw that green scrubby away because it's looking pretty sad and I can't seem to get all the brown stuff out of it. While I was up messing about I noticed the top of the fridge was pretty bad, nothing like the cupboards but still... Remove every last blasted thing from all fridge sides and top, climb up on stool, spray, wipe, spray, rinse. Ok. Much better. Except for the drizzles down the sides. Oh, yeah, and on the floor. So, wash down sides and floor. Good! Time to put the doors back on. Uh, there's the small problem of that missing screw. Fetch flashlight to peer down into what reveals itself as the crack of doom. OMG What IS all that stuff? Where did it come from? Damme, there's a mixing spoon down there, too. Retrieve poker from fireplace, get down on floor and use poker to drag as much uck out as possible. That leaves the stuff on the sides of both cupboard and stove. Hmmmmmmm, well, let's see. Ah, I know! Fetch Farmer's Grain Association Meeting 1918 wooden yardstick from closet, wrap with cloth, soak cloth in cleaner and start jamming it around in the space there. After a few minutes of that, feeling relieved that nobody had noticed what I was doing, I figured it looked better than it did. After putting everything away, sweeping up that awful stuff that came out of the Black Hole, and having a nice cup of coffee, I promised myself I wouldn't look too closely at the other top cupboards. Not yet.

At least I found that screw.


Hot Hot Hot

Having been approached by Himself with a plaint having to do with the recent lack of Jamaican-style Jerk in our diet, I decided to make the poor guy happy and do some up. (Mind you, there is not a chance of grilling it. The gas grill is in pieces for the winter and I'm not about the try to regulate a fire in the smoker or the small grill in a 40 mile per hour north wind. Just Not Gonna Do It. Not even for my sweetie.) DS1 and DIL brought back a little jar of authentic jerk seasoning from Jamaica over the holidays and it is really delicious. Only problem? It's not hot enough. The best answer for that is to brine the clucker, include all the ingredients that I would normally use as a marinade and hope for the best. So, that's what I've done. (If this works out I might post the recipe for the brine.) Besides the onion, garlic, sugars, spices and such-like, scotch bonnets are the pepper of choice for us fire-eaters.
I have a lot of them, too. They're in the freezer. What might not be evident to a casual onlooker is the fact that they tend to dehydrate in the freezer. This concentrates the capsaicin to an astounding degree. Either that or they just keep getting hotter by some mechanism unknown to me. I work with hot peppers a lot and they don't usually bother me, no sneezing, no burning skin, nothing. This ain't the case with these particular scotch bonnets. I wear gloves and try not to breathe very deeply. I also stem them and put them in my lovely mini-prep machine to grind them up, which I've found saves not only time but my nose. Usually. I figured since the chicken is over 5 pounds and there it takes quite a bit of brine to submerge a beast that size, I had better use 4 peppers. No problem there until I foolishly popped the lid from the prepper in mid-breath and promptly went into a sneezing fit. Please note, I wasn't bent over with my nose anywhere near that prep machine. As a matter of fact, it was at arm's length. Made no difference at all. Sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze... after more than 5 minutes of rhinoblastation, the nose settled down enough to allow me to pick the prepper bowl up and carefully rinse the contents of the prep into the pot with the brine before the pepper mash ate through my pink rubber gloves. After all, I have to save the gloves to be able to turn the chicken in the brine several times over the next few hours. And I ain't doing it with my bare hands. No way. No how.

Note to self: Idiot! Don't stick your face down next to the brine to see how it smells.

Bathroom Redux

We gutted and redid the main bath in 2006. That was surely a fun, fun time. (That's a lie. If I ever say that again, slap me.) As with the great majority of things in this house, the bathroom was a disaster. All gleaming white tile, idiotic 1970s swag light fixture. plate glass mirror that was (I swear!) 4 foot high by 8 foot long. I've seen smaller mirrors in dance studios. White w.c., white tub, teensy tiny tub, at that. White sink, white vanity, white drawer pulls, dark walnut trim and doors. The sheer blinding mass of whiteness, surpassed only by mid-antarctica on a sunny day, was accented by a royal blue shag rug. With foam backing. In a bathroom. That was a bright idea, folks, yes indeed. The tub had been fitted out with a set of wavy glass sliding doors that leaked. They not only leaked, they leaked badly. Know what happens to foam backed shag carpet over the course of 30 years of leakage? Yup. Mold, mildew and a rotted subfloor to boot. Yours truly is deathly allergic to mold and mildew and this state of affairs was simply not to be borne. We started out with the idea of just replacing that carpet with tile. But, once the carpet and pad were pulled up, the extent of damage was such that, well, let me just say it's fortunate the bathtub hadn't fallen through the floor into the bathroom downstairs. We also discovered that sometime back in the mists of time, the toilet had leaked, been pulled, refitted with the wrong wax ring, reseated and somebody stuck more tile around it to hide the problem. OK, so what the hell, let's just gut the mess and go from scratch. Which is just what we did.
Everyone here understands why I always get an urge to kick those hosts of television shows that redo a bathroom in 2 days. This particular project took months. MONTHS! Traipsing downstairs at 2 a.m. to go potty, taking showers in the boy's realm, after a few weeks of that, we just went out to the rv at night to piddle. Much easier and a lot cleaner. So we had a lovely new bath with all kinds of good things and it was warm and cozy and we have a whirlpool! Then a "small" problem rears it's head. The texturey-stuff on the ceiling, which we left intact during the redo, seems to be bubbling and falling off in chunks. Great. NOW what?
The "what" turns out to be one of those things that we deal with over and over, stupid stuff. The original builders, evidently suffering from a bad case of H.U.T.A. syndrome, didn't prime the raw, new sheetrock they installed. They applied paint directly to the gypsum board. Sorry, folks, no matter what you might like to believe? In a high-humidity area like a bathroom, even with a monster exhaust like we put in, paint will not seal sheetrock. Over the years, moisture has done some damage to the finish and at some time back there in the olden days, someone got the bright idea that since their paint was looking not-great, spray on a nice thick coat of texture. Where they got the idea that it would make a difference? Who knows.
Himself has been working on scraping that texture off since Sunday and the end is not in sight. Then he will skim coat, prime with some really good alcohol-based stuff and we shall try to figure out what color would look good as a final coat. Until then, no sinks, no tub, the w.c. works fine, just remember to wipe the seat well and take your toilet paper in with you. It's either embarrassing or comical to find oneself enthroned with no toilet paper, having to yell out "Somebody bring me the t.p., please?" When that somebody happens to be an 18 year old male? The pot is in direct line of sight when the door is opened even a little bit so the youngster has to figure out a way to stand to the side of the door and toss the roll in. Best you can hope for is that it lands somewhere within reach of the toilet brush, otherwise, you're gonna be drip-dry. This whole mess will be taken care of, eventually. Then we shall proceed on to the next mess, and the one after that, and the one after that and.....

Note to self: Hold breath while walking through kitchen. Brine seems to be getting a little odiferous.

can't think of an apt title for this one...

Pink? PINK? Who the flying eff buys something because it's PINK?

I know that there are brainless women who do buy anything, as long as it is pink. There are also brainless males who really believe that the beer commercials that feature a guy who is treating his lady with respect, ending up with a gigantic beer can flattening him to a grease spot in the driveway, is the way reality should be. Uh huh.

There is some ad guy in a snazzy suit, somewhere, sitting around thinking of ways to cozen the masses. There are probably scads of ad guys and gals, in reality, doing the exact same thing. No, wait, there ARE scads of them. Everywhere.

Scamming everyone seems to be a real common thing, nowadays. Anyone seen that moron flogging the "shamwow" thingamabob on television? He wears a bluetooth headset like he is having a running dialogue with God or someone. Sham-wow, indeed.

Now, back to the topic...

Women with "food issues?" What? Food issues? Boyfriends monitoring food intake? WTF? There should be someone watching you to make sure you don't eat chocolate? Here is a direct quote from the MoJo article:

"...paranoid heterosexual women whose eating habits are monitored by their boyfriends..."

Paranoid heterosexual women? What? How about someone watching me so I don't bitch-slap someone telling me what I should or shouldn't be eating, drinking or wearing?

Then there is the "sparkle" factor. Riiiiiight. Golly gee whiz, all us not too bright females just can't resist those sparkles. Oh, sparkles with the pinkage! Pinky sparklies! ooooooh. Do the advertisers think we are all 9 year old girls, emotionally and mentally? Infatuated with the "hunkage" at the next desk? Shallow, uneducated, foolish women who have not enough wits to look at an ad campaign and know they are being gulled, bamboozled and insulted?

Ok, that was a stupid question because there must be someone out there what actually buys that kind of swill. If there were no buyers, there would be no advertisers doing their thing. There are as many shallow, uneducated and happily ignorant and unobservant females in the world as there are males of the same kind.

I'm just tired of all of them.

Excellent!

I don't normally inject politics into this blog but I can't resist giving you this link:

Feldman

As usual, excellent words from Mr. Feldman. I agree, wholeheartedly.

Ain't we got fun!

For all you lovers of words, check out savethewords.org. I just adopted "vicambulate*," and will use it for flosculating* this bromography*. After all, wouldn't do to be accused of being soloecal*.

Be ready!


vicambulate: walk about in the streets (don't do much of that anymore)
flosculate: to embellish or ornament speech (hoping it applies to written speech)
bromography: a systematic, extensive written discourse on food. (applies more to Escoffier than me, to be honest.)
soloecal: provincially incorrect (this will be a very useful word, indeed)

Epic FAIL

It doesn't happen often but when it does, it is really bad. I'm not talking about earaches, sick kids or tornadoes, I'm talking about a oft-prepared dish that simply goes totally awry. Last night it was a basic, very basic, bolognese.

Yesterday turned out to be a long, loooooong day. We picked up and installed the new dishwasher. The installation started oddly as the instructions are packed inside the machine but the door wouldn't open. Since there were no instructions anywhere in sight, I looked up the Maytag site and they did have .pdf copies of all necessary stuff. Turns out, unbeknownst to all but actual repair people, the door is held shut by a piece of metal underneath it that must be removed before you can get to the instructions. Uh HUH. I see. After taking the 90° brass fitting and power supply cord from the old dishwasher, Himself proceeded to wire, attach and finagle things until, at long last, the machine was installed and working fine. Then we discovered that, even after thinking of absolutely everything, the silverware drawer won't open because the dishwasher can't be flush-mounted. OK, switch drawers around, no problem.

This was a good opportunity to go through my utensil drawers and sort them out. Have the contents in two tubs and, if I don't use them within 6 months, out they all go! woowoo.

Then scrub the kitchen cabinets and floor, clean out under the fridge, haul about 7 loads of laundry up and down, monitor a trip to an emergency room 100+ miles away made by DS1 and DIL, after which time it was nigh on supper time. Digging around in the freezer brought no brainstorms, we have no prepared soup so soups and grilled cheese was out. What to do?

Ahhhhh! The old stand-by, pasta. Well, it's usually a standby.

This time it turned out SO bad words fail me. Everything went as it normally does:

• onions
• garlic
• tomato paste
• tomatoes
• herbs
• salt
• pepper
• etc etc etc*

Turned out just horrible. I don't always put wine in the sauce so that isn't the problem. The onion and garlic were fine. Herbs fresh and flavorful. Ground meat as usual, nothing odd there. That leaves the tomatoes. But what was wrong with the tomatoes?

I preserve tomatoes 3 different ways. Cook some down pretty far then bag the results to go in the freezer. This I did with the fruit we grew down on the terraces. The remaining yield is made into stewed tomatoes and chunky tomatoes, which are then pressure canned. I normally use one jar of stewed and one jar of chunky but, for no apparent reason, put two bags of the frozen in on top of the canned. The result was so bad that DS3 wouldn't eat it. It's back on the stovetop while I try to figure out some way to rescue it as I really hate wasting food. It's bland, watery and simply has no "oomph." Phooey.

That, in and of itself, was disheartening enough. Adding insult to injury was the fact that, like a moron, I used salted butter for the garlic bread and it turned out so salty it's inedible. Can't even give it to the birds.

Like I said, epic FAIL.


* Told you it was very basic.

Format changes

I am working on standardizing recipe posts to ensure continuity throughout Curmudgeon's Kitchen. The changes currently being made may not be permanent. Have been looking through numerous other food blogs and noting what works for me and what doesn't.

To speed loading of pages, I am not including lots of photos, feeds or handy-dandy gizmos. I don't know about you, but sitting waiting endlessly for pages to load annoys me.

If I make a change that helps you, please let me know. Let me know what works and what doesn't, suggestions for improving clarity are welcome.

Thank you for visiting my Kitchen. Please come back soon.

QDM

King Ranch Chicken

King Ranch recipes vary as much as individual cooks vary, from the simplest possible method to the more complex "scratch" recipes. How the dish is put together is decided, not only by the cook's level of skill, but aesthetic and "mouth-feel" preferences. There isn't much a cook can do to make it taste hideous, no matter what it looks or "feels" like. With that in mind, I have been messing round with a variety of methods and ingredients, trying to find that "ideal" combination or flavor, aroma, appearance, "feel" and ease.

A note on my preparation of the chicken: We rarely have enough chicken left over from a meal to make this dish. Even though I do prefer a combination of dark and light meat, I usually find myself using boneless chicken breasts. I don't like them much because they don't have hardly any flavor by themselves. To add a little interest to the proceedings, I use my stovetop cast iron grill and sear them well, leaving lovely stripes. A possibility would be adding cumin, chili powder, garlic, onion, whatever you think would work, to the breasts before grilling them.

The most common recipes seem to have several things in common:

• Cubed cooked chicken
• onion
• garlic
• bell pepper
• cheese, either jack or cheddar
• tomatoes
• chili powder
• chicken broth
• corn tortillas
• various kinds of cream of crap soup* (pardon for calling it that but, hey! It's nasty stuff no matter what you do with it.)

Most of those also call for sauteeing the onions, peppers and garlic in a pan using cooking spray. The next step is dumping in the cream soup stuff and the rest of the ingredients to heat, leaving out the tortillas, of course. Many call for unfried tortillas or actual tortilla snack chips out of a bag. Spray a baking pan with cooking spray, again, stick half of the tortillas or chips on the bottom, pour over half the sauce mixture, add cheese and repeat to use everything up. Bake and eat.

Now, honestly, this will work. It's fast, it's easy and, for a tired or unskilled cook, it will work just fine. The only problem, in my opinion, is that while it will taste fine, it looks weird and feels gelatinous in the mouth. I find both unappealing and blame that on the canned soup.

Unfried corn tortillas are a problem, too. They are basically raw and when used in that state become kind of slimy. They also don't cook up well and the dish will often end up tasting strongly of corn meal, which isn't really the desired outcome. I'm not even commenting much on bagged tortilla chips, except I tried them and didn't like the result in the least. They were just kind of "there," if you get my drift.** No contribution to the flavor of the dish and the consistency of the chips cooked in the mixture mentioned above was, well, gross. The outcome might have been at least acceptable if they had maintained a modicum of crispness (which is not expected of the tortillas when used) but they went flabby and tasteless. Ick.

My suggestions to detour around these difficulties involves a bit more work but, for us, that extra time is worth every minute. Here is my middle-of-the-road procedure which will feed 4 to 6 people until they're stuffed, it's neither terribly time-consuming nor extremely simple:

Sauce Preparation:

• 3 tablespoons butter or cooking oil
• 1 very large onion, coarse chop
• 1/2 cup diced jalapenos or a milder hot pepper if you have tender mouths
• 1 large green bell pepper, seeded, coarse chop
• 2 tablespoons chili powder
• 1 tablespoon cumin (change the proportion of the spices to suit yourself. We like spicy and like cumin.)
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
  
• 1 quart canned tomatoes, chunk are best but stewed will work
• (some folks like celery, mushrooms and various fresh chilis in the sauce. Go ahead and try it.)

Over low heat in a large heavy pot, heat the butter or oil. Add the onion, sweat until soft. Add the chili peppers and bell pepper and continue softening. Use your nose to tell when to add the chili and cumin, the aromas of the veg should blend, when they do, add and stir well. By the time the onion and peppers are soft, the chili and cumin will have released their aroma and flavor which infuses the vegetables. At this point, add the garlic, stirring well. Raise the heat slightly, continue to stir and add the tomatoes. Simmer to allow the combination to thicken slightly. Remove from heat.

• 3 tablespoons butter
• 3 tablespoons flour
• 1 cup chicken broth, or enough to work the roux

Combine to make a roux, oil first, flour next, stirring like mad until the floury taste is gone, slowly add the broth and stir, once again like mad, until smooth. Allow this to cool slightly, then stir your basic sauce into the vegetables.

Preheat oven to 350F.

Lightly grease a 13 x 9 inch casserole or a 3 quart casserole.

Tortilla preparation

• Frying oil, enough to float a corn tortilla
• 12 raw corn tortillas, white or yellow is your call (the yellow ones seem to hold together better than the white ones)
  

Heat oil in a heavy pan, keep depth of oil sufficient to allow the tortillas to float or they will stick to the pan bottom and rip. Fry each tortilla until it puffs, flip, fry until it puffs again. This will be just enough time to cook the tortillas but not to the point they are getting crisp. Drain on paper towels or a cotton cloth.

Assemble dish:

• 3 cups cooked chicken, cubed less than 1/2 in size
• 3 cups shredded cheese, monterey jack and cheddar are good combination (if all you have is processed cheese, use it but it won't taste as good.)

Layer 6 of the cooked tortillas in the pregreased pan. Place one half of the chicken on the tortillas, pour half of the sauce over. Add half the cheese. Repeat. Bake at 350 until browned and bubbly. This will take 35 to 40 minutes in a 13 x 9 pan, up to 2 hours in a deep casserole.

Remove from oven, let stand for up to 30 minutes for the flavor to develop and the texture to improve.



*I object, on principle, to those canned cream soups. I confess to using them every so often when pressed for time or if I'm just tired or not feeling well. They can be a godsend for inexperienced cooks who haven't learned to make a roux or white sauce but if you know how to do those simple basics, it's better to take the extra time and effort for a much better outcome.

**If you have no time, no real tortillas or are just too slothful to fry something, use the things. Even better, just don't make the recipe at all until you get something better, eh?

Skunky beer and bad food

We don't go to a lot of dinner parties or parties of any kind, truth be told. There are some places we love to go and there are some places we would avoid like the plague if it were possible.

One of our favorite outings is held every year by a good friend who gets together a mixed lot of guests, cooks jerk chicken and sides of all kinds. It's held in June in his backyard and eagerly anticipated by all who are lucky enough to be invited. His jerk is wicked good and although he gave me a list of ingredients, he doesn't measure things, and I have never quite duplicated the results he gets. Combine all that stuff, hot peppers, etc etc etc, dump all your chicken in a 5 gallon bucket, pour over the marinade. Cover and let set for 2 to 3 days in the fridge or somewhere cool. The morning of the feed, he removes the chicken from the marinade, drains it well and lets it dry. While the chicken is sitting to air dry, he strains the marinade, puts it in a canning kettle and cooks it down to use a mop. It's always great and he doesn't serve skunky beer with it!

Then there are those places that send chills up the spine of a prospective guest. It's unfortunate that so many of our relatives are bad cooks because you just can't avoid going to their places for meals. We've been tempted to get the greasy gravy overlords those funny looking strainer things with the spout on the bottom to get rid of the 2 inches of grease on the surface of the gravy. It's hard to resist putting out the grill before the chief whang leather chef turns those lovely porterhouse steaks into plastic, grey, dry and tasteless. That is if you manage to actually chew the stuff. The Thanksgiving feasts where we'd be very thankful indeed if we didn't have to eat that stuff and pretend like it tasted good. How many servings of runny mashed potatoes, over-sweet cranberry relish, dry turkey and greasy-crust pie can a person be expected to eat in one lifetime? Poker parties with mini-sausages stewing in a concoction of grape jelly and ketchup? Mercy... Cheese dips made with a whole log of processed American cheese and a couple of cans of condensed chicken gumbo soup? Darned stuff looks like dog barf and smells even worse. There have also been regrettable instances of not knowing quite what that stuff on the plate is. This is disconcerting, at best, because the person serving it is obviously quite proud of their creation and is expecting raves and requests for the recipe. If someone is foolhardy enough to request the recipe the response is likely to be: "Ah, I didn't use a recipe," chef will exclaim gaily, with a wave of the hand, "I just tossed a few things in the slow cooker." As the kid says, "fo' shizzle." The issue of skunky beer is another one of those seemingly unavoidable things. Beer in clear glass bottles that has been chilled, warmed thoroughly then rechilled? Oh, save me, please. If a guest doesn't wish to offend the host, what is the proper way to handle the stuff? Drink it gingerly? Say "thank you" but my (ulcer, head cold, sinus infection, abscessed tooth, insert your own malady) is acting up and I must abstain. If it's obvious there is nothing whatsoever wrong with a guest, I suggest watching closely for an opportunity to either pour some down a drain on a trip to the bathroom or get rid of it by pouring it into a potted plant. Of course, there is always the real possibility that the host with gleefully present you with more of the vile brew.

Having grown up in the 60s, I have some really awful food memories, many of which involve gelatin of some sort. Orange gelatin with sliced pimento-stuffed olives? Looks like eyeballs staring up at you from the bed of iceberg lettuce. Green gelatin with shredded carrots. Green gelatin with cottage cheese, for cryin' out loud! Strangely constructed dishes whose main ingredient seemed to be pork and bean and weiners. Spaghetti cooked in tomato sauce with absolutely no seasoning but salt? Then there are artificial whipped toppings. That stuff should be on the EPA's hazardous substance list. A generation raised on what is basically artificially flavored whipped shortening might appreciate the flavor and texture of real whipped cream but it's as likely they won't. (Heavy cream isn't cheap, true, so go out and collect cans or something and just try the real thing. Please?)

When we have a opportunity to go dine somewhere, without being required to bring food, and have a good meal with a decent beverage, we consider ourselves truly blessed. Shame it doesn't happen more often.

#*@&#^$&*@(#*@#&$%

Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!

Grrrrrrrr!

ROWR!

Yeah, I am totally and absolutely pissed off.

For the 6th month in a row, the taters for Gratin Jurasien will simply NOT GET DONE!

Now, dagnabit, they were thinly sliced, soaked in changes of cold water and "pre-cooked" in a saucepan. And They Are Still Not Getting Tender. Same thing with russets, reds, boilers, yellows, every tater I have tried.

This is just so awful! I have been making Julia's gratin for years and have never had this kind of problem with the potatoes until the last 6 months or so. Is it the taters? Is it me? Is it the oven?

I don't know what it is but this problem has ruined quite a few meals. It has also ruined my peace of mind, too. How can I possibly make a good gratin when the taters simply will not cook?

If someone has an idea, I would really appreciate hearing from you. Puhleeeze?

We're now a Foodie Blogroll member!

All right! Curmudgeon's Kitchen has been approved as a member of the Foodie Blogroll!

When I submitted this blog for inclusion I didn't think there was a chance it would be approved, but it has been. It's kind of strange because I have never really thought of myself as a Foodie. According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, I guess I am:

A person who has an ardent or refined interest in food; a gourmet

Or, Dictionary.com:

a person keenly interested in food, esp. in eating or cooking

DD tells me I am a "food snob," whatever that is. Does a food snob insist on real organic, when available? Buy a red bell pepper and roast it rather than getting pre-roasted ones in a jar? Avoid high fructose corn syrup, MSG, free glutamic acids and as many chemicals, additives and colorings as possible? Use butter rather than margarine? Render lard for baking rather than using hydrogenated oils like shortening? Prefer actual Parmesan reggiano to that stuff in a green can?

If so, yes, I am a food snob. I would rather go to the work of making meals from scratch, with healthy and natural ingredients, than "enjoy" the convenience of boxed, frozen or pre-prepared food. Even when I worked full time, we still managed to eat healthy. It takes work and planning but can be done.

In the past we faced the challenge of feeding 5 kids and a lot of their friends on next to nothing, financially. So, we took the best way out, we grew a huge garden. We had most everything that could be grown up here that we needed, right there in canning jars. We shoveled cow manure, we weeded, we talked to the plants (and ourselves, too) We also froze what we could, the things that didn't can well, hoping and praying for no power failures.

Many, many years ago, I couldn't boil water. My mother wanted nobody in her kitchen and I never learned the first thing about cooking. I could wash dishes like a pro but cook? No. After I married the first time, it became painfully obvious that I had to learn. Learn I have.

My journey started in the mid-80s when I borrowed a textbook from an acquaintance who was in culinary school. I was bored with insipid food, bland roasts, just tired of trying to figure out how things worked, why they worked one way but not another. Tired of bottled "cooking wine" with a level of salt close to the salinity of the Dead Sea. Tired of mixes, boxed stuff and junk. Introductory and somewhat perfunctory, it did explain a bit about the chemistry of cooking. From there, we have gone on... Julia Child, Harold McGee, Lydia Bastianich, Rick Bayless... to cold smoking, braising, roasting, sauteeing, sweating...

So, here we are, an official member of the Foodie Blogroll and I am very proud and happy to be there. And here.

"Marzetti's" Spaghetti Pie

The Joy of Cooking is one of my favorite cookbooks for everyday, simple food or what Himself calls "real food." From spiced tea to a form of cassoulet, pretty much anything you might want is there. That explains why the book is approximately the size of Gray's Anatomy. Sometimes the dishes are so simple that they are pretty bland. We found that to be the case with the spaghetti pie recipe. As written, the only herb included was a teaspoon of dried oregano and the amount of garlic was only 2 teaspoons. This to balance and enhance a pound and a half of beef, a large onion and43 ounces of tomatoes? I think not.
I started the recipe just as written but as it simmered it became more bland, developing no flavor. Taking a page from Lydia Bastianich, I added a number of flavorings and aromatics. Tasting, adding, adjusting, tasting again produced a very nicely balanced dish. The original recipe also called for a full pound of cooked pasta, but we only used 1/2 pound. Note that the herbs are dried in this version, change the amounts to your particular taste and add salt and pepper, as needed.

Here's my version of the spaghetti pie, which will serve 4 really hungry people or 8 not-so-hungry folks.

Main ingredient preparation:

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1/2 pound ground pork
• 1 large onion, coarse chop
• 3 cloves garlic, mashed or minced.

Sweat the onion in a heavy pan, using either olive oil or butter. When onion has softened but before it browns, add the meats. Break beef and pork apart with a spatula and cook just until pink. Stir in the garlic and steep until aroma is released.

• 1 28 ounce can crushed tomatoes
• 1 15 ounce can whole peeled tomatoes, quartered, juice reserved
• 1/2 cup dry red wine
• 4 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 tablespoon oregano
• 1 tablespoon thyme
• 1 tablespoon basil
• 2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
• 1 tablespoon crushed anise seed
• 1 bay leaf

Add all the above, including half of the juice from the peeled tomatoes, to the meat combination. Stir well, bring to boil and reduce to simmer. Cover loosely, stirring and tasting occasionally. This can be simmered anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours, depending on how much time the cook has. Adjust flavorings as it cooks, adding herbs or aromatics, such as onion or garlic powder, as it cooks. Add remaining juice if the mixture begins to stick or becomes too thick.

Preheat oven to 350.

Butter a 13 x 9 inch casserole.

Assemble the dish:

• 1/2 pound small dry pasta, mini penne, rigatoni, anything you like, cooked al dente and drained
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar
• 1 cup shredded or sliced mozzarella

Remove meat mixture from heat, take out the bay leaf and stir in the cooked pasta and cheese. Turn the mixture into the casserole and top with:

• 1 cup bread crumbs
• 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar

Melt 2 tablespoons butter and drizzle over the topping. Bake until dish is bubbling around the edges and has browned nicely. I found that 350 didn't brown the topping to my satisfaction so I turned the oven up to 375 for about 20 minutes, which did the trick.

Remove the casserole from the oven and allow to sit a minimum of 5 minutes. Serve with crusty bread and a salad for a hearty and tasty winter meal.

I finally surrender

Aye, surrendered. Namely, to the lure of a new food processor. The old one burned out a couple of years ago and we've been honing everyone's knife skills ever since.

Why did I go do such an uncharacteristic thing? It isn't as if I can't live without a food processor. It's not as though I have all kinds of counter space or storage room for more kitchen goodies. It isn't even a wonder processor from Europe that does everything but wash itself (although I sure would like one of those.)

I finally got the unit because, regardless of medical science's best efforts, my hands are just not working well enough to use a knife correctly. Not for more than 5 minutes at a time, at least. Carpal tunnel, due to a lifetime of piano and 20+ years in IT, is a daily problem. Arthritis in my thumbs, due to some cruel trick of the kitchen gods, has become bad enough that I simply can't hold a knife correctly. The up-and-down motion sends my hands into spasm and gripping the handle of the knife at all is simply impossible some days.

So, here I am, faced with making the nosh for our driver friend's party tomorrow and I can't hold a knife to do the prep work. This presents me with a couple of choices: draft DS3 to do all the prep work or buy a new processor. Since my trusty assistant kid will be leaving for culinary school this summer, leaving me to me own devices, I bought the food processor.

To tell the truth, I had forgotten how handy the things really are. The filling for one of the appetizers whipped up in about a quarter of the time it would have taken without the processor. For another dish, I will grind the bread crumbs, chop the onion, mix the meats and seasonings, all in one unit. This will save me a lot of time and a very sore arm because those meats must be mixed until smooth. That takes some doing.

While I was spending hard earned cash, I also replaced my mini-prep machine with a 3-cup model that has two speeds. I've lost track of how many of those little wonders I have gone through but it's several. The duxelles will be done in record time using the mini-prep. Chopping small amounts of the trinity will be much faster, too. We do a fair amount of Cajun and Creole food and the dicing and chopping gets darned tedious for large batches of etouffe or creole.

So, here I am, the proud owner of 2 brand-spankin' new toys.

Now, just need to figure out where to keep them.

Swedish Meatballs

As long as I was looking at Aunt Eva's recipe for supper tonight? Might as well put it up here. The key to these meatballs is mixing the 3 meat combination until it's a paste. Yes, a paste. That is one of the hallmarks of this perennial favorite, far as I can tell. Unless you have a heavy duty stand mixer or a bog food processor, I guarantee you're likely to have a very sore arm after you're done with the mixing.

Yield varies according to how big you make your balls. Should feed 4 people with ease.

1 lb beef round (or ground beef)
1/2 lb veal steak (ha ha. veal? use ground turkey)
1/4 lb fresh fat pork (or plain old ground pork)
2 cups milk
1/2 cup bread crumbs (dry is preferable)
2 eggs
1 medium onion, minced
3 T butter
1/8 tsp allspice
1 cup boiling beef (or chicken stock)
1 cup sour cream, room temperature (if desired)

Beat eggs, add the milk and bread crumbs. Set aside to soak.
Grind meat finely.
Brown the onion in 1 T butter. Cool.
Mix all ingredients, onions last, together and stir like a crazy person until it's all smooth and pasty.
Form into balls and brown lightly in remaining butter.
Pour boiling stock over balls in pan and simmer around 30 minutes.
Remove meatballs to a platter.
Reduce heat in meatball pan, stir in sour cream. Heat through, pour over meatballs.
I actually prefer not to use sour cream, just thicken the remaining stock, pour into a bowl and return meatballs to the bowl.
Serve over noodles or rice.

State of demi-Emergency

I have only two tablespoons of demi glacé left.

This is a true emergency. A honest to goodness really and truly emergency. Pardon me for panicking.

The locker is saving knuckles and joints for me and I do have pork and poultry bones in the freezer, ready to go. The problem that presents itself in my tiny kitchen?

It takes around 7 to 10 days to complete a batch. I start with well over 20 pounds of beef bones which must be roasted in small enough batches to get done right. The other bones must be roasted. Vegetables have to be prepared and roasted. The roasting pan must be deglazed numerous times. All that takes up a full working day and makes a HUGE mess.

The final result goes into every last stock pot I own. That initial cooking process takes up the cooktop for a period of about 3 days. This annoys the denizens of the Homestead as it really leaves only one useful burner which happens to be a simmer burner. By the time things cook down so only one huge pot is needed, the Herd has become restless and more than a tad cranky.

We need that demi. Really, we do. I suppose I should just buck up and get to it.

Monday.

Apologies and a Stuffed Mushrooms recipe

I promised cassoulet and do have the ingredients, with the exception of the sausages and wine. It simply occurred to me a few moments ago that it will take 2 or 3 days to finish. Even as the confit is draining it's lovely fat into a bowl, I remembered that Himself has promised our presence at a Super Bowl party Sunday.

I don't mind football, really, as long as I don't have to watch it. So attending a party celebrating a bunch of big guys running around with a ball, smashing into each other, couldn't really be called a highlight of my week. I don't play poker, either. I am totally unable to remember the rules of the game from one hand to the next and it's pretty much guaranteed that the other players will become increasingly annoyed with my obtuseness, likely in direct relation to the amount of booze they consume. Never the less, I'll go.

I do suspect that the only reason the host of this party invites me along with Himself is because I usually end up pulling his cooking chestnuts out of the fire for him. Each year his culinary reach far exceeds his grasp. Note I didn't actually say he can't cook, it's just that he can't cook at the level he tries to attain each year. He does great with simple things like loose meat sandwiches or chili but get much beyond that and he is well and truly over his head. This year I'm thankful that potential messes will be limited to oyster stew and stuffed mushrooms. How can you go wrong with that?

OK, yeah, a lot of ways. Mostly involving bad oysters. He has assured Himself that he will be purchasing pre-cooked oysters which, although much better from a food safety standpoint, doesn't body well for the stew. I suppose I could have offered to go to the market for him but he didn't ask and I do have other things to do. We'll see how it goes. I may get a small container of the guest of honor for the soup, pre-clean them and take them along, just in case.

This brings us to those mushrooms. Stuffed mushrooms of most any type aren't hard. Some involve numerous steps but the preparation and general cooking isn't a big deal. The problem with Host doing the recipe he has planned is simply that of total ignorance and the lack of a food processor. He is unfamiliar with the process of roasting red bell peppers and couldn't find the ones in jars at the market. Questions about substituting sour cream for the cream cheese brought a small silence on my part, then an assurance that he didn't want to do that. Just use the regular cream cheese, it will be fine. Cut those garlic cloves up into the tiniest pieces you can manage. When you do find the peppers, cut them up into tiny, tiny pieces or they won't incorporate as necessary. OK, yes, go ahead and use that "parmesan" you have in the green box in the cupboard. (forgive me for I have sinned.) No cayenne? *sigh* Do you have chili powder? Go ahead. You don't need to cook the mushrooms, just make sure they are nice and clean. Take off the stems and remove any dark gills with a spoon. Either fill the mushrooms with a pastry tube or use a spoon. No biggie.

I really have no idea how this particular recipe could be messed up nor do I know what else Host is planning on putting on his buffet. Throw it to the gods of football parties and don't worry. Now, here is the recipe for the mushrooms:

Roast red pepper stuffed mushrooms
yield is around 16, depending on mushroom size

8 ounces real cream cheese, softened
1/2 red bell pepper, roasted and peeled, 1/4 cup reserved
2 tablespoons fresh grated Parmesan
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 pound fresh white mushrooms, cleaned, stems and gills removed.

Place all ingredients but the mushrooms in bowl of food processor with wing blade installed. Pulse until all ingredients are well blended, the peppers are no longer visible and the mixture is getting slightly fluffy.
Using a pastry bag with a large tip, fill each mushroom cap with the mixture.
Garnish as desired.

I should note that my food processor died over a year ago. When I make this recipe I cut the cheese up very finely before softening it, mash the minced garlic and peppers. That way I can use my electric mixer and it comes together nicely. The garlic and roasted peppers can also be pureed, sort of, in one of those shrunk-down versions of a processor called a mini-prep. These are tasty mushrooms and go over well for something so easy to prepare. Not pricey, either. That's always a good thing.

Eat on. The promised cassoulet will appear, in due time. Promise.

Meatball Soup

This is tasty stuff even if the concept seemed a bit odd at first. Then Italian Wedding Soup came to mind and, since I adore that, I figured this one should be pretty darned tasty. Turns out it is. It can be a simple as you want or as complex as your ability and imagination allow. I like something in the middle. Besides, even though I will agree that fresh pasta is the best, I'm too lazy to make it. If you like, add carrots and celery and green beans to the soup. A Parmesan rind would be a nice addition, too. It's all good.

Let's get started...

48 ounces canned tomatoes or the equivalent in peeled fresh tomato royale
1 large red onion, medium dice (half for the soup, half for the meatballs)
3 garlic cloves, minced (2 for the soup, 1 for the meatballs)
1/4 cup green and red bell peppers, fine chop (optional)
Anise, thyme, basil, red pepper flakes and oregano to taste
bay leaf
2 cups beef stock (more if needed to thin soup)
2 cups water


Put all that stuff (minus the bits for the meatballs) in a medium stock pot. Stir it up well, bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer.

I just put mine on at noon for a meal that will be this evening around 6 p.m. This is what it looks like at this point:


During the course of the afternoon, I will check and stir this every half hour or so. If needed, I will add more beef stock. Water would do fine, as well. Come to think of it, if I had a half cup or so of a dry red or white wine, I think I would put it in around now, after an hour at simmer.

Sometime during the afternoon, or 45 minutes or so before serving time, combine:

1 pound ground beef
1 pound italian pork sausage
1 cup breadcrumbs (soft, not dry)**
remaining half onion
remaining garlic
2 eggs
herbs as desired
4 T grated parmesan cheese (please don't use that nasty stuff in the boxes from the market. ugh)
snipped parsley to taste
dash ground black pepper

Mix all this stuff together well. Do the "pitcher's toss" to form your meatballs, cover and set aside until 30 minutes before serving.

I didn't use ground beef, I ground up a pound of stew meat, alternating the beef with pork sausage, onions, garlic and the bread crumbs. Ground everything up and mixed it pretty well at the same time. This is the freshly ground goodness:


(Please forgive the bad photos. One of the kids has my Nikon so am using the backup, a small Kodak.)

Brown the meatballs* well, remove from pan and drain them. Set aside.

Bring the soup up to a boil. Add:

1 cup tiny pasta (or your choice of small starch)
15 ounces cannelini or other white bean (I'm using pearl barley because I have some but no beans)
1 cup thinly sliced mushrooms (use canned if you want)

Cover, reduce heat and simmer until pasta is done as you like. Return heat to medium-high and add:

cooked meatballs
3 cups fresh spinach torn into pieces (if using frozen, drain in the morning and let sit. Squeeze well and rip up before adding. Canned spinach doesn't work well but if it's what you have, go ahead. My only problem is that it usually has big stems and seems to be bitter.)

Cook for another few minutes to heat meatballs through and wilt the fresh spinach or heat the frozen through.

That's it. If you want, put everything but the meatballs and spinach in your slow cooker. The pasta should be fine. If you don't like that idea, cook your pasta separately when you are cooking your meatballs, then add those and the spinach at the very end. Will work just fine.

* The way I like to do this is in a 350°F oven on a parchment or foil lined baking pan. They don't burn nor get rubbery that way and it saves standing at the stove pushing the meatballs around.
** Had a bit of a problem with the crumbs. Only bread in the cupboard was that awful chewey white junk Himself likes. So? Had a loaf of homemade sundried tomato and rosemary bread. Thawed part of it, crumble and? voila! Kicker bread crumbs. yum!


Coming soon... Cassoulet with confit de canard from a friend in France.

Some folks do

Enjoy cooking, food, eating and everything related.

Some folks don't. Never have. Never will.

Case in point is a couple who are close friends. They built a new house 2 years ago. It's a lovely place, out in the country, with a 3 stall garage, full basement, 2 1/2 baths, 3 bedrooms, fireplace, all the amenities.

It also has a kitchen to die for! Crescent shaped, huge windows, top end cabinetry and appliances, gorgeous stone counters, a huge island with storage plus all the electrical outlets a person could possibly want.

They don't use it.

As the lols say, "srsly."

About the only thing that actually gets cooked is a pot of chili now and again. Or a quick batch of the stuff Americans call Lunchroom Goulash.

That's it.

I just don't understand that.

Never have. Never will.


Next post? Food, again.... Meatball Soup. Yum!

Cannolis, anyone?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have now made my very first, inaugural batch of cannolis from scratch.

Not bad, for a first try. Especially for someone who really doesn't like pastry-making and abhors deep frying stuff.

I used a pretty basic recipe, a standard butter pastry, for the shells. The only past experience I have had with deep-frying a pastry kind of thing was Swedish rosettes, which really isn't the same thing at all, except for the hot fat part. To my total surprise, after frying in 360° F oil for 60 seconds, the shells were flaky, golden-brown and not the least greasy. Success! Woohoo!

The filling? Well, ricotta goes in lasagna, manicotti and shells but not dessert shells. Isn't that right? Naaaaaah. It also goes into desserts. So does mascarpone. No need to raise an eyebrow like that, really. It works nicely.

How does a cook turn cheese into a filling for dessert? First, by draining that ricotta really, really well. Hanging it in a muslin bag over a bowl for 12 hours or so works very well. Dump the cheese into a large bowl, discarding the drained liquid. Get your mixer out and beat that stuff until it's smooth, then add 8 ounces of room temperature mascarpone. Continue beating as you want the two cheeses incorporated together as much as possible. After all is mixed together nicely, add 1 1/2 cups of powdered or confectioner's sugar in small amounts, beating well after each addition. Add whatever flavoring you want at this point, whether a small amount of liquor or extracts, whatever. (Citrus zest is traditional, most likely because it would cut the astounding sweetness of the filling.)

I made another change, one suggested by a lovely Italian friend: whipping 1 cup of heavy cream and folding it into the filling as the last step. The plain cheese mixture is too heavy for our tastes and the whipped cream lightens the texture and gives it a better mouth-feel.

So we have successfully fried pastry and made the filling. Now, to fill the shells in what always turns out to be a life-and-death struggle with the pastry tube. Go ahead and laugh, it's fine. Everyone around here thinks my struggles with the tube and tips is a bit on the far side of hilarious and makes for many titters, giggles and outright guffaws. This particular outing was no different.

Dutifully stuffing the white bit down the tube, sticking the tip on it and screwing the locking ring wasn't too difficult. Dropping the filling, 1/4 cup at a time, into the tube was a snap. Twisting the top of the tube to press the filling down was done in a trice. Pick up shell, insert tip into shell. Squeeze. Now, wait a minute. What's that tiny, thin stream of filling? Is the tip clogged? Well, no. Carried away by the success of the frying, I had put the piping tip on rather than the large filling tip. This led to a somewhat protracted struggle to remove the lock ring, pull the tip off, replace it and put the ring back on. All the while leaking copious amount of white stuff all over the counter and my apron. For all you accomplished bakers, cake decorators and pastry makers this probably sounds too stupid to believe. Believe it. The lock ring wouldn't go back on the tube straight, being slippery from the filling. The bottom of the tube had gotten rucked up and the tip wouldn't fit over the fabric. Coordinating tip, ring and filling was truly beyond the ability of someone with a very high in-born level of klutziness, not withstanding the fact that even with filling leakage the tube was half full. By the time the ring was back on, albeit not straight, yours truly had filling all over hands, arms, apron front, counter and unfilled shells. My imagination gathered generations of Italian nonnas around, clucking disapprovingly.

After surmounting the obstacle of the Deadly Pastry Tube, the actual filling process went smoothly. I had used the large star tip and beating the cheeses thoroughly had created a very smooth, velvety filling that held it's shape at the end of the shells. They came out very nicely, if I may say so myself.

The mixing process for the cheeses involved periodic taste-testing so I already knew the stuff was incredibly sweet*. Not being a lover of anything sweet, I volunteered DS2 for the final vetting of the cannolis. He took one bite, gulped and rushed to the refrigerator for a glass of milk. Sweet, indeed. DS3 appeared some time later and tried another cannoli. He thought they were very good and not at all too sweet. Just shows you can't tell what people will like.

The end of this particular saga has turned out thus:

Himself doesn't want any cannolis, although he is the reason I tried them in the first place.
DS2 won't eat any more because he says he doesn't want to go into sugar-shock.
DS3 thinks they are fine but would rather snack on cheddar cheese.

What did we do with the remaining 11 cannolis? Giuseppe the Body Man turned up late in the afternoon, tried one and took the rest of the bunch home with the expectation of eating the whole mess before bed.**

All in all, it was a successful experiment. Those lovely stainless steel shell forms will be used again, but not to make cannolis. Once is enough.

* In fact, after the final addition of whipped cream and subsequent taste tests, I ate 4 dill pickles and drank several glasses of water to forestall the eventual overload from the sweetness.
** Our cannoli lover isn't anywhere to be found today. I suspect that may be because he's been admitted to the hospital. Too much sweetness isn't good for anyone, even a true-green/white/red Italian gent.

What agreement?

This has very little to do with cooking but, since it's my Kitchen, I'll say what I want. So, with that introduction, here goes...


I am annoyed. I am really, really annoyed. Until recently it has been possible to depend on verbal agreements or, in some cases, an unspoken social contract to ensured the wheels of societal interaction are kept greased and moving smoothly.

Seems it ain't so no more.

For years we have been sharing our food with a long-time friend who lives by himself out in the country. He hasn't much cash and we felt, since we had enough at each meal we could certainly share with him. The only caveat to this was that he keep, and bring back, all the storage containers in which he received his share. This arrangement worked nicely for all concerned. I didn't have to deal with leftovers and he ate well.

This morning, finding myself totally out of containers for some soup I wanted to freeze, I called him. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey, you. How's it going today?"

"OK, girl. How are you?"

"Doin' good. You staying warm? Nothing frozen up?"

"Nope. The well is great and all the animals are in shelter."

"Glad to hear it. I wanted to see if you could bring my containers in to me. Or you could just put them in a bag and stick them in the truck. I'd pick them up later?"

"Uh... um well... uh..."

"What's the matter? Don't you know where they are?"

"Um (insert considerable hemming and hawing here)..."

"Did you get rid of them? Can you get them back?"

"(more hemming and hawing)"

"Ok, no problem. Stay warm."

"Yeah."

"Bye."

"Bye."

All right, yeah, we aren't talking Rolex watches or something worth thousands of dollars. There were dozens of containers, though, and it will cost me a fair amount of cash to replace them all. That really isn't the point, is it?

The point is that we had an agreement. A verbal contract. Word given means word kept? It did at one time.

Another case in point is the mentally handicapped guy who has picked up our empty cans for years. The agreement with him was that he could have the cans but he must bring his own bags for them and make sure he had transportation here and back to his own home. This one has fallen through, too.

He came over last weekend for cans. No problem at all on our end. Just stick them in your bags and scoot. I was taking a nap, Himself was watching football and, since there was no reason to think otherwise, we just left him to his own devices.

I woke up some time later and went to the garage to get something from the freezer for supper. The cans were gone, sure. So was our whole supply of 45 gallon black bags. WTF??? I came back in and told Himself that all the bags were gone. He turns and looks at me and then stated that it turned out HE was expected to give the guy a ride back to town, 10 miles both ways. So, not only does he have 20 bucks worth of cans, all our bags, but he thinks we are a taxi service?

Again, a spoken agreement that had been observed by the parties is no more. Two previously amicable relationships have been ruptured by the selfish and self-serving actions of two adults who knew better.

I dislike being draconian about things but, in this case? Neither of them had better call and ask for something because they ain't gettin' it.

Word given, word broken? Trust gone.