Not just for sippin'

Presenting....

Tennessee Whiskey Glazed Pork Chops.

Yes, whiskey. That's what I said. Cooking with wine, fruits juices, vinegar, beer, vermouth... yeah, that I understand. But whiskey? Nah. No way. Uh uh. That is, until I tried this recipe.

If you have access to Lincoln County Tennessee whiskey (Jack Daniel's, in particular), use it. There is a smokiness that comes from a particular process used in the distilling that can make or break this recipe. I suppose, if you really want to go Whole Hog, you could use one of the single malt Scots or Irish whiskys. Those that are peaty and smoky but also 300 bucks a bottle....

• 1/2 cup whiskey, JD if you can get it
• 1/2 cup apple cider
• 2 tablespoons turbinado sugar
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne powder
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 4 teaspoons cider vinegar
• 4 pork chops, bone-in center cut 1-inch thick
• 2 teaspoons vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1. Whisk whiskey, cider, sugar, mustard, cayenne, vanilla and 1 tsp vinegar together.
2. Transfer 1/2 c of this mixture to a bag, add chops. Press air from bag and zip. Turn to coat chops. Put in refrigerator for at least 2 hours, longer is better.
3. Keep remaining whiskey mixture separately.
4. Remove chops from bag, pat dry, discard marinade.
5. In small saucepan, heat remaining whiskey mixture to a simmer and reduce until thick and bubbly. Add the butter, whisking until melted in and the glaze has taken on a nice sheen.
6. Heat grill to high, reduce heat to medium-low. Place chops on grill to sear. Turn chops. Brush glaze on chops. Cook until almost done.
7. Turn chops, brush again with glaze.
8. Internal temperature should be 145 when done.
9. Remove from grill, plate and serve.

This recipe can be used for pan-frying if you modify things just a little bit. The original recipe came from an early 2007 issue of "Cook's Country." This great resource is published by the same folks who bring you America's Test Kitchen on television. Cook's Country and Cook's Illustrated subscriptions are a good choice if you wish to give someone who can't boil water something useful.

Comfort food WIP

It's cold up here with a capital "C." Temps have been 15 to 20 below zero Fahrenheit at night with 35 to 40 below windchills. Surprisingly, it got up to 5 degrees above zero today and the sun shone brightly. That doesn't mean it was bikini weather, just the same.

It's around this time of year when we start thinking about good food from our childhood and how great it was to come to the table after a freezing day. The aroma of roasts, the thick and hearty broth in a vegetable stew... nothing compares to that when you are chilled to the bone, toes and fingers numb, nose frosty.

Certain meals bring back, not only the memory of meals, but the very scent of the food. Baked ham, scalloped potatoes and green beans. Meatloaf, a baked potato and... green beans. Roast beef with taters, carrots and onions. Black bean soup, bean soup with ham and bacon.

We ate a lot of potatoes when I was a kid. Mashed, baked, roasted or fried. Nobody had ever heard of Gratin Jurassien but Mom managed to make a good equivalent even if she wasn't the most adventurous cook. I doubt she had ever heard of Emmenthaler or Juras but, back those many years ago, Velveeta® was just fine. Potato soup is another one of those lovely food memories. So simple yet so delicious.

We also ate a lot of green beans, not that there is anything wrong with that. (We find that we eat more green beans than any other vegetable, even now.) Mom decided to get fancy with the greensies at one point and, while great for holiday fanciness, they didn't go over well for everyday. The notorious "green bean casserole" never really made much of an impression around our house, you know? We liked those onion-thingies but the whole idea of mixing beans, crap of *ahem* soup and plopping fried onions of top just didn't quite seem to do justice to the beans. Green beans with bacon, onion and almonds was quite nice but, as I said, a bit uppity for everyday food.

Shame on you!

As I have noted in the past, we get our beef, pork and chicken from an organic farmer up to our northeast. They only use antibiotics when a beast is ill and all of their animals are out grazing in green pastures and the chickens are pecking around the barnyard, eating bugs and things, like chickens do. The quality of the products we get from Kelli and Matt are exceptional and we have never had one hint of a problem. Until now...

Don't think that what happened with this hog is their fault because it isn't. It's the fault of the locker, the butcher and whatever the hell they did to that poor beast before slaughter. Matt and Kelli care for their beasts, treat them well, don't abuse them nor prod, poke or shock them. They are raised kindly, taken care of and then, at the end, they should be dispatched quickly and as mercifully as possible.

The poor hog was massively stressed just before death. This fact shows in the resulting meat. Bacon, ham, roasts, steak, even bottom layers of fat, are riddled with dozens and dozens of petachiae, tiny ruptured blood vessels. This is what it looks like:


This sickens me to the core of my being. Why? Because that poor hog died horribly afraid. I worked at a locker plant years ago and can still hear the screams* of stressed hogs. My employer then never, and I mean NEVER, slaughtered a hog when it was in that state. He let them out of the chute and put them back in a pen to calm down. In some cases, he called the producer and had them come get the beast and take it back to the farm, just to avoid the kind of fearsome death this beast suffered.

I emailed this photograph to Kelli, telling her that I didn't believe this resulted from any action of theirs, but from something that happened at the locker. She emailed back and said they had problems with this previously but the locker owner told them it was THEIR fault. What gall, what incredible face-out gall on his part. I told her just how this happens and that hogs are particularly sensitive to stress and fear, being smart beasts. Then I put forward the suggestion that she call their vet and consult with him about the situation and show him the photograph. He acknowledged that my verdict was absolutely spot-on.

The result is that Matt and Kelli are removing their business from that particular locker and taking it elsewhere. They have been touring various facilities, based on the vet's advice, over the last couple of weeks and I received an email from her Monday evening that they believe they have found a more humane place to do business.

This will impact the locker negatively and, since the owner has shown no intention of changing his practices, it will serve him right. We rather will honor the beasts that give their lives so we may live and we will not knowingly contribute to unneeded suffering. If we choose to eat meat, we must do so with as much gratitude and humanity as our hearts can find.


* Yes, they scream. It's a sound I never want to hear again in my lifetime.

You want easy? I got easy....

One of my biggest concerns about returning to work full time this year was the issue of meals. My shift starts at 4 eastern but it's necessary to be signed in and ready to go some time before then since there are many things to catch up with every day. That fact alone makes the kind of cooking I have done for many years nearly impossible so I've had to figure out other ways of doing things. With the help of my friend Karen, her genius and instinct, I have been able to do this. I owe this one to her. Thank you, Karen, you are incredible.
Slow cooker meals, braised dishes, along with "fend for yourself night," has made it possible to eat well without a lot of fussing. The following recipe is a staple for us, hearty, rich and flavorful without much work at all. It doesn't matter what size your potatoes are cut into just as long as the pieces are thick enough to withstand hours of cooking. Onions should be about 3/4 inch thick slices, other than that, this is pretty self-explanatory. This will serve about 4 people. Try it and enjoy...

Easy 4-ingredient Supper

• 1 ring sausage, kielbasa is great for this, 2 inch chunks
• 1/2 pound good quality bacon, cut into 1 - 2 inch pieces
• 1 softball size onion (about 1 1/2 pounds of regular onions), thick cut
• 5 or 6 large red potatoes (any kind works, actually) cut into equal size chunks
• 1 pint ham stock
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• ground black pepper

Put the bacon and sausage in a heavy frying pan, bringing heat up just until the bacon begins rendering out fat. Brown meat slightly but don't cook it all the way through. Bring ham stock to boil, reduce heat and maintain. Turn cooker to high.

While meats are browning, put half the onion slices in the bottom of your cooker. Add half the meats and half the potatoes. Sprinkle with parsley and pepper. Repeat with rest of ingredients, including bacon fat. Pour hot stock over all and cover tightly. Cook on high until stock returns to a boil, turn control to low and re-cover.

Allow this to cook for at least 4 hours, 5 or more is better and even longer won't hurt at all. Keep at least an inch of liquid in the bottom of the cooker at all times.

Serve in bowls with hearty bread and cooked cabbage if you want...

Chicken and dumplings with herbs...

...in the slow cooker.

Winter is coming on and young men's fancy turns to comfort food. Warming the cockles of the heart today, I present an all time favorite, Chicken and Dumplings. This will serve 4 really hungry young'uns or 6 not-so-hungry ones. I, like my late father, am not fond of boiled chicken and, since that is the basis of most recipes for this dish, we don't have it much. I think he would approve of this variation as it's boosted with garlic, herbs and pearl onions. Use as much or as little garlic and herbs as you like as this is an individual judgment call on the cook's part. This recipe is a combination of ideas and ingredients from several sources. I would like to thank Annie for the sour cream/yogurt idea, in particular.

Unlike many recipes I have seen, this one doesn't have cream of chicken, mushroom or celery soup. It's thickened at the end (if it needs to be thickened at all) with either sour cream or a nice smooth yogurt. If you don't like that idea, go ahead and remove your dumplings, chicken and everything, plate them up and make gravy from the liquid in the cooker. After all, it's your table and your crew, do what makes your eaters happy...

Herbed Chicken and Dumplings

• 4 - 5 pound chicken, whole
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 - 3 garlic cloves, minced or finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon marjoram
• 1 teaspoon thyme
• 1 teaspoon dried sage, crumbled
• 2 bay leaves
• 1/2 pound pearl onions (I use the frozen ones)
• 24 ounces water
• 1/4 cup fine lard
• 1/4 cup dry vermouth (optional)
• 1 cup sour cream or yogurt, room temperature
• 2 cups all purpose flour*
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoon solid fat or shortening
  
• 1/4 cup chopped parsley
• 3/4 cup buttermilk or soured whole milk**

In a heavy pot, heat the lard until sizzling. Using tongs, add the whole chicken, turning to brown well. Add water, cover and simmer until partially done. This takes about an hour or so and it's more like steaming the bird than boiling since the water will only partially cover the bird. Turn off heat and remove chicken from pot, let it cool enough to handle and cut thighs off, remove backbone and cut through the breastbone into halves. Place chicken in cooker, turn to high to preheat. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and herbs. Add onions around the bird.

While chicken is cooling, return pot to stove top and bring to boil. Add thighs to pot and contents of gizzard bag if you want to. Add vermouth. When liquid has come to a full boil, carefully pour over the ingredients in the cooker then cover.

Cook for 5 - 6 hours, depending on your particular cooker's settings. When chicken is done and falling from bones, strain all ingredients through a colander. Pick chicken from bones, return to cooker with onions. I don't put the bay leaves back in but you can if you want. If you think there is too much broth to leave room for dumplings, don't use all of it. Just jar it up and put it in the freezer for future use.

Your broth will have cooled some so pour the broth over the chicken, turn the cooker to high and proceed to dumpling making. Mix dry ingredients in a small bowl. Work fat in until the consistency is like coarse meal. Add milk, gradually stirring with a fork until just moistened. When broth is bubbling, pinch off hunks of the dumpling dough and drop right in with chicken, onions and broth. Recover and cook on high for about 30 minutes or until dumplings are done.

Remove dumplings, chicken, onions, plate and cover. At this point you can either stir the sour cream into the broth and dress the plated food or make gravy. It's up to you.

* Or use equivalent baking mix.
** You can use evaporated milk, too. Just proceed as usual, sour the e.m. and add to the dry.

...the eye of the beholder.

Ladies and gentlemen, foodie friends and gentle readers, is this a thing of beauty or is it not?


It is a thing of beauty to me, worth almost it's weight in gold. My appreciation stems from knowledge that few people have a source for solid leaf fat, fresh-trimmed. Not only fresh and fresh-smelling but from beeves raised on grass, free-ranging, no growth hormones, no genetic modifications.

I estimate there to be between 10 and 15 pounds of the stuff. By the time it is trimmed and rendered it will reduce significantly. Final yield may be 5 pounds or so. About 1/2 pound of that will be made into small blocks for the birds this winter. The rest I will use for cooking.

All you low-fat aficionados are having mild seizures at the thought, aren't you? I can hear faint echoes of your protests that we must have massively occluded arteries, sky-high cholesterol, be grossly overweight, horribly unhealthy! My sincere apologies to you all but none of that is true. When used properly, finely rendered beef fat can be a great addition to a cook's bag of tricks. The real trick is knowing how to properly use it....

Preparation of fresh leaf fat* isn't hard but it does take time and a really sharp boning knife. To clean and prepare the fat for rendering, cut off as much clean fat as possible. Be careful not to cut into any of the kidney tissue or remaining hunks of meat. Discard the meat scraps and organs. Cut the remaining clean fat into small pieces and dump them into a large, heavy pot. Add just enough water to cover by about a half inch, turn cooktop to low and bring water barely to a simmer. If it's hard to maintain a simmer, use a heat diffuser under the pot. It's important to keep the heat so low that the fat renders slowly without burning.

As the fat renders, the liquid level will go down. Keep the rendering fat covered at all times. I find it will take this much fat around 4 days to render out totally so don't start the process if you don't have the time. When there is nothing solid left in your pot but pieces of connective tissue and some bits of coarse fat, cool the pot's contents a bit and strain through several thicknesses of fine cotton towels. Set the container with the fat/liquid in a cool place, like a fridge or garage until the fat solidifies on the surface of whatever liquid is in the pot. Working quickly, pull the solid fat out of the pot, turn the bottom up and scrape off any coarse nasties you find on the bottom. Those can be tossed.

Break the fat up into pieces and put in a double boiler or nested pots over simmering water. Melt fat and pour into containers. I keep mine in the freezer and thaw as needed.

This rendered fat is used sparingly to sear meats and in larger quantities for mixing empañada dough or deep fat frying potatoes. When using it for frying, make sure you maintain an even heat so your taters don't soak up a lot of fat and get greasy-soggy. Keep a close eye on your fryer and make sure the fat doesn't reach smoke point or you might have a huge problem, a grease fire. After frying, cool fat slightly and strain well. Return what's left to a container and keep it in the fridge, covered tightly, until you want another batch of crispy and non-greasy fried food.

* Leaf fat is the fine white fat surrounding an animal's kidneys. It is very dense to protect the vital organs found inside and after rendering will be extremely hard. This can be used to make tallow candles if you are so inclined... they will burn almost as cleanly as beeswax and are a lot cheaper to make.

The Casserole With No Name

I don't think I have posted this one yet... I hope not. Sometimes memory fails and, since I didn't see it when going back through posts, I guess I will put it up now.

A reader would have figured out by this time that I really enjoy cooking. Sometimes, though, I just haven't time nor the spare mental energy to spend lots of time putting something tasty together. In those instances, casseroles and one dish meals are truly great. In addition, having to be at work (so to speak, since I work right here but it is a real job) at 3:30 in the afternoon makes preparing a fancy meal pretty much impossible. Never having been a fan of slow cookers nor casseroles, which I ate waaay too many of as a child, this is all new territory for me but I am learning. Maybe unwillingly, but needs must as the devil (or paycheck) drives. So, with that all as a frame of reference, here is the Casserole With No Name....

• 1 1/2 pounds ground beef
• 15 ounces canned tomato sauce or equivalent fresh
• garlic powder, to taste
• black pepper, to taste
• 8 ounces dry egg noodles
• 8 ounces room temp sour cream
• 6 ounces room temp cream cheese
• 1/2 cup diced green chilis (jalapenos work very nicely, thankyouverymuch)
• 6 green onions, white and green diced fine (or just mince up half a white onion)
  
• 1 1/2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese

Bring a pot of water to a boil, add the noodles. Cook until al dente but not nearly to serving tooth. Remove from heat, drain and rinse well. Set aside.
Heat oven to 350F.
Brown the beef, making sure it is nice and crumbly. Pour tomato sauce over. Add the garlic and pepper, stir in well. Allow to simmer for 15 minutes or so until thickened.
Mix sour cream, cream cheese, onions and chilis together. It does help if you use your hand mixer to do this, makes the mixture nice and fluffy.

Find a lasagna pan or a casserole dish, 8 x 13 with 2" sides, either grease it with butter or use cooking spray.
Place all the noodles in the pan. Spread them out evenly.
Pour the beef sauce over the top.
Plop spoonfuls of the sour cream mixture on the sauce and spread it around almost to the edges of the pan.
Next, spread all that grated cheddar on top of the sour cream mixture.
Cover with foil and bake for an hour. Uncover, turn off oven and let dish sit for 15 minutes or so.

This is really good stuff as far as leftovers are concerned, too. Once the casserole has cooled, cut it up into squares and put them on a cookie sheet. Freeze until solid and wrap in foil or vacuum pack. It reheats really well and being in the freezer doesn't seem to do anything but improve the flavor. I think...)

Fort Hood* tragedy

The author wishes to note, with sadness, the shootings at Ft. Hood today. As of right now, 9 are dead, many wounded. 1 suspect in custody with 2 still at large.

For all families and friends of the victims, I express my deepest sympathy and most heartfelt sorrow for this tragic loss of life.


Update 4:45 pm CST: Victim count stands at 12. 1 shooter dead, 2 others in custody. Tragically, all were military personnel.

* Fort Hood, with about 40,000 troops, is home to the Army's 1st Cavalry Division and elements of the 4th Infantry Division, as well as the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and the 13th Corps Support Command. It is located near Killeen, Texas.

A Round Tuit

Having gone back to work this year, I have found that getting things posted here is hard to do. Balancing the necessities of daily life, some small occasions for socializing, while working 2nd shift.. that takes almost more organization and mental gymnastics than I can manage!

There are several recipes that need to be finished, many more I would like to post and a few rants and roses that could use some airtime.

I will get all this done but it will take me some time. Thanks for being patient with me and come back to check on anything new.

Shrimp Creole

Shrimp Creole

Another dish with as many variations as cooks, Shrimp (or chicken) Creole* simply invites experimentation. Once the basic elements of the trinity, tomatoes, peppers, herbs, stock, salt and sugar are dealt with, the preparation is only limited by the cook's own personal preferences.

Yes, the common elements of Creole, Cajun? The basic trinity: onion, celery** and bell peppers. The white trinity? There are various descriptions but the most elementary is onion, celery and parsnips. Tomatoes are vital even though they must be a fairly recent addition. Pepper is not native to the Western Hemisphere but adds a lot to the dish. Cayenne peppers are native and are absolutely vital in this dish. Herbs such as thyme and tarragon, perhaps with an addition of basil, give depth to the preparation. Butter? Yes. Citrus juice? Yes. Sugar, molasses or sorghum? Yes.

Shrimp Creole doesn't need a roux and this makes it an easy dish to prepare. It can simmer for hours and only develops more depth and flavor through that time. Put it in a slow-cooker, set on low and let it go for 8 hours or more? Heaven in the mouth.

Ok, fine... enough of the pontificating and on with the cooking.

Quick shrimp stock

• 2 pounds raw shrimp, shelled (don't toss those shells and keep the shrimp for your creole)
• 2 tablespoons butter

Melt the butter over low heat. Add the shrimp shells, stirring them around until they turn pink. Add a little more water than the amount needed for your recipe and simmer until the full aroma of shrimp has developed, 30 minutes or so. Remove from heat, cool and strain. Toss the shells and keep the stock in the fridge or freezer.

Now that the stock is ready to go, let's get on with the actual Creole....

• 1/2 cup oil
• 3 onions, chopped
• 2 large bell peppers, chopped
• 5 celery ribs, chopped finely
• 10 large tomatoes, peeled or equivalent canned
• cayenne pepper, to taste
• black pepper, to taste
• white pepper, to taste
• 1 T thyme
• 1 T tarragon
• 1 T basil
• 1 1/2 tsp sugar
• bay leaves
• 6 green onions, white and green parts chopped
• 1 c parsley chopped fine

Put your dutch oven on the cooktop, add oil and bring up to heat. When oil is shimmering, add onions, celery and pepper, Reduce heat and soften, about 45 minutes, stirring ocassionally.
Add the tomatoes and other ingredients down to and including the bay leaves.
Keeping heat medium low, simmer this mixture for 2 hours or until it has reduced by about a quarter and thickened.
At this point the sauce can be put in the fridge for up to 2 days. Keeping it will only improve the final flavor, so go ahead!
When it's time to serve your creole, bring the sauce back to the cooktop and bring up almost to a boil very slowly. Stir in the shrimp. Cook until shrimp are pink but be careful not to overcook them as they will be extremely chewy if too done.
Stir in green onions and parsley. Remove from heat.
Serve with a scoop of rice.

That's all there is to it! Go ahead and try a creole, experiment with herbs and proportions. After all, cooking isn't a science, it's an art...

* What or who is Creole? There is no easy answer but this old article may shed some light on the question: First Creoles

** I am not clear on the celery availability some centuries ago. There may be native varieties, such as celeriac and, if so, please let me know.

Missing things

Contrary to what you may have been led to believe by the title of this post, I haven't mislaid any cups of coffee, lost my spectacles, forgotten why I am in this room nor any of the other odd behaviors that lead my family and friends to consider me an endearing, if rather daffy, elder. As a matter of fact, it's been remembering things that is causing me to be missing things.

Earlier this afternoon, Himself, Waggywaggy and I went for a drive. We stopped to take care of an errand or two and, while leaving town, passed several fast food joints. Memories reached forth from some dark recess of my mind, beckoning to me, murmuring of lost places, nigh-on forgotten flavors and scents long vanished anywhere other than memory. Why memory was triggered on this particular day by those particular places is anyone's guess but, for whatever reason, I have been recalling many foods, eating places and special treats that I haven't thought of for years, along with some I think of often.

What would be some of the things I find myself missing? Are they sublime? Ridiculous? Somewhere in between? Yes to all but the valuation of the item itself bears no relationship to the value of the memory.

Who amongst us doesn't miss real, honest to goodness, chocolate syrup? Not chocolate-flavored high fructose corn syrup but real chocolate? Good old Hershey's® in the little brown and white can, opened with a sharp-ended can puncher, poured liberally over ice cream? The drip down the side of the can, surreptitiously wiped with a finger, to be savored as a small prize? Squirt soda or Crush grapefruit soda? The bite of grapefruit, partially balanced by the sweetness of real sugar? Over ice on a hot, hot summer day...

The original Chef Boy Ar Dee Ravioli and Spaghettios with Little Meatballs. I loved those even though I am a bit embarrassed to admit it. The ravioli didn't actually taste like "real" ravioli but, by golly, it was tasty just the same. The little meatballs were kind of chewy and not real meaty but those, too, I loved. The frozen dinners? Remember those old Swanson's dinners? Turkey and dressing, gravy, potatoes, cranberry-apple compote? mmmmmmmmmm Mooshing the dressing cubes up with the gravy made a perfect addition to the thin slices of turkey. The fish dinners with that round cod cake? I don't know what they put in that fish cake but that was just divine, at least to a 10 year old's palate. The "mexican" dinners with rice and enchiladas... fried chicken... salisbury steak....

Tomato soup from a can? "soup and sandwich, soup and sandwich..." Tomatoey goodness, tart and sweet at the same time. Rich, red nectar for the dipping of grilled cheese sandwiches. Sandwichs made, by the way, with real butter? Mmmmmmmmm, good.

Hot fudge sundaes. Fudge squares wrapped in wax paper, melted in a tiny pot, poured over ice cream, pooling around and beneath the frosty scoops of sweet, waiting to be lovingly spooned up.

BK Whoppers and Whalers, sandwiches the size of dinner plates. Real beef, real fish, huge portions from when fast food was actual food. The McD's fries, the original ones, crisp and hot with a vague hint of beefiness. An original Hardee's roast beef sandwich, topped with sauce, juicy and inviting.

Local memories, too. Spic-n-span tenderloins with pickles, onions and mustard. Those little bitty burgers that the elderly sisters downtown dished up. Condiments were available but don't ask for ketchup. They didn't have any and you'd get the evil eye for asking. Suzy-Q spiral fries. mmmmmm! Maid-rite sandwiches, the easiest tasty ever! Ground beef and chicken broth... that's it, really. Ice cream made on-site at Birdsall's, turtle sundaes, marshmallow shakes. Walking out of the ice cream parlor and smelling hot tar, licking that cone fast enough to keep from having ice cream drip down your arm. The bakery that made krispies so light they would melt in your mouth. Costa's restaurant's Greek specialties... Steaks at the Play Pen, the Athenian's Greek salads.

There are also memories of things I don't miss one bit. Horrible foods from the sixties and seventies on which I might decide to elaborate. Later...

Rarebit, anyone?

Welsh Rarebit or Welsh Rabbit? Regardless of regional variations, the name is an oddity and seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with Wales or anywhere else as far as I've ever heard. (Regardless of Looney Tunes, the dish has nothing to do with hassenpfeffer, even though that is simply German for "rabbit stew.") I adore any of the variations of this dish, being a huge fan of cheese, mustard, cayenne and beer.

Thanks to my dear friend, Tartiflette, I can present you with the basic recipe for Rarebit and two regional variations, Yorkshire and Scots. So, on with the cheeseing!

Basic Welsh Rarebit (the classic with cheese, mustard and ale)

This is supposed to serve two but around here it's barely enough for me! I like more cayenne, too.

• 2 slices bread
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• dash salt
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire
  
• 1/2 ounce butter
• 3 ounces cheddar cheese, grated
• 1 tablespoon beer or ale

Mix all ingredients but the bread together. Set aside.
Toast bread lightly on one side.
Spread cheese mixture on untoasted side of bread.
Broil until cheese is melted and bubbly.
Enjoy hot!

Yorkshire Rarebit (crisp bacon and is made with Wensleydale*)

• 1 3/4 ounces butter
• 1 3/4 ounces plain flour
• 1 1/8 cup milk
• 1 1/8 cup black sheep ale or an ale of your choice
• 1 1/8 cup mature Wensleydale cheese
• 1 tsp. English mustard powder
• 2 slice streaky bacon, fried until crisp and crumbled
  
• few drops of Worcestershire, to taste
• 1 egg
• 4 Ciabatta rolls

Melt butter and add flour. Make into a roux, stir in milk and ale.

Stir over heat until a stiff sauce forms. Add the mustard powder and the Worchestershire, stir in and add the cheese. Stir until melted. When all melted, add the egg and bacon and stir.

Cut the ciabatta rolls into half and toast, top each piece with some of the cheese mixture and brown under the broiler. Serve with a little salad or as a savoury at the end of a meal.


Scotch Rarebit (Straight from Mrs Beeton, who evidently wasn't a big fan of punctuation. The cook is assumed to know what the proportions are to produce the desired result.)

• Rich Cheese, few slices
• Toast
• Mustard
• Pepper

Cut some nice rich sound cheese into rather thin slices.
Melt in a cheese toaster on a hot plate or over steam.
When melted, add a small quantity of mixed mustard and a seasoning of pepper.
Stir the cheese until it is completely dissolved.
Brown it before the heat or with a salamander.
Fill the bottom of the cheese toaster with hot water and serve with dry or buttered toasts, whichever may be preferred.
A cheese toaster has a hot water reservoir, the cheese is melted in the upper tin, which is placed in another vessel of boiling water, so keeping the preparation beautifully hot.
A small quantity of porter or port wine, is sometimes mixed with the cheese, and if it be not very rich, a few pieces of butter may be mixed with it to great advantage.
Sometimes the melted cheese is spread on the toasts and then laid in the cheese dish at the top of the hot water.
Whichever way it is served, it is highly necessary that the mixture be very hot and very quickly served or it will be worthless.



* As far as I'm concerned, there isn't anything made with Wensleydale that isn't absolutely delicious.

The tail is wagging the ox

People who buy all their meat in those plastic-entombed packages at the supermarket don't know just how tasty oxtail soup can be. We're lucky to live in a farming region and have access to a locker that is willing to supply all kinds of odds and ends that are missing from commercial stores like the big chains. Oxtail is one of my favorite types of soup, astonishingly rich and hearty.
If you can find a tail or two, give it a try! It's not hard and you will be very pleased with the results. It's possible to substitute inexpensive cuts of bone-in beef but it won't be the same. Oxtail has a very distinct flavor, beefy but not like arm roast or sirloin. The end result using oxtail will be a richer and heartier soup than any other cut you could use.

Oxtail Soup
serves 4

• 1 oxtail, whole
• 2 onions, rough chop
• 1 large carrot, scraped and sliced into 1" pieces
• 2 celery ribs, 1" pieces
• 2 cups diced tomatoes with peel
• 4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
• oil

Heat oven to 450F while prepping vegetables.

Put all vegetables into a heavy roasting pan, pour a small amount of oil over the vegetables, toss to coat.
Rub tail with oil, place on top of the vegetables.
Put pan in oven and roast all until veg. has browned nicely, stirring every once in a while to prevent too much sticking.

• 4 cups beef broth
• 1/2 cup dry red wine

Bring broth and wine to a slow boil at the very ends of the roasting process. Reduce to simmer.

Turn oven off, allow pan and contents to cool some.
Remove meat from pan, place in slow cooker or large stockpot.
Add all vegetables to pot or cooker, set aside.
Return roasting pan to cooktop on medium high heat. Deglaze with the broth and wine mixture, scraping up all the lovely bits from the bottom. (some of them may seem a bit burnt but that will be ok as long as they aren't totally charred.) Pour the pan liquids into your cooking vessel, stir well.

For a slow cooker, turn heat to low and simmer until meat is tender and falling off the bones, anywhere from 2 to 6 hours, depending on the size of the oxtail. Turn heat off, strain through a colander. Set broth in a cool place or the refrigerator to solidify and remove the fat.

For a stock pot, bring contents to full boil, reduce heat just to where the liquid is simmering, cover loosely. Simmer until meat is tender, as above. Turn heat off, strain through a colander. Set broth in a cool place or the refrigerator to solidify and remove the fat.

Discard the vegetables.* Remove meat from bone being careful to leave the spinal matter intact as you don't really want to use that.

• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 carrots, scraped, cut into 1" pieces
• 1 celery rib, cut into 1" pieces (I don't put celery in but some folks like it.)
• 3 large red potatoes, peeled and quartered
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 sprig thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
• 4 sprigs parsley or 3 teaspoons dried parsley
• 2 cloves garlic, mashed (optional)**
  
• additional red wine, broth or water, to taste and as needed

Return liquid and meat to stock pot (I don't use a slow cooker for this last part.) Bring to simmer and add the vegetables and herbs. At a very slow boil, cook the soup until the vegetables are all tender, 2 to 4 hours. If the stock becomes too thick or the soup seems to be drying too much before the vegetables are done, add liquids as desired. It's a good idea to taste the broth to see just what it is that is needed. What you add will depend on what kind of wine you used in the first steps as well as the relative strength of your broth. You may add salt and pepper sometime near the end of the cooking process, too.

The result will be a soup with a lovely rich consistency but not too thick. Serve hot with biscuits or good bread for soaking up the broth, maybe a nice salad on the side. Great stuff for winter days...


* Another option for the vegetables? If they aren't too done, as in mooshy, keep them. When they are totally cool, put them in a blender with about 1/2 cup chicken stock and puree. Stir this into the broth before you put the next lot of vegetables in. Darned roasted veg smells and tastes so good that it's a shame to waste all of that.
** To lessen the "bite" of the garlic either simmer it for about 10 minutes or roast it. Either method gives a smoother taste that blends well with the other ingredients and the richness of the broth.

Jamaican-style jerk brine

The chicken turned out beautifully, crispy golden, tender and savory. This is an approximation of the combination of ingredients used in the brine solution. (I really must start writing things down as I go along 'cause I forget what I've done and must cast about to redo it.)

• Chicken sufficient for the number of eaters, cut up or whole
• 3/4 cup kosher salt
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 quarts broth, vegetable or chicken
• 1 tablespoon hickory smoke flavor if not grilling
• 1 cup white vinegar (optional)
• 4 scotch bonnets, stemmed and minced (don't forget the gloves)
• 1/2 cup green onion, minced (sub same amount of finely chopped white onion if you wish)
• 1/2 cup lime juice (if you can get it)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons thyme
• 2 tablespoon allspice, crushed berries or ground
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 3 teaspoons cayenne pepper
• 3 teaspoons rubbed sage
• 2 teaspoons ginger, peeled and grated
• 2 teaspoons nutmeg
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon, ground

Combine all ingredients except scotch bonnets, in a large stock pot, bring to boil. Reduce heat, give it a good long smell to see if you have enough spice, if not add some more. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Place chicken in pot and add enough cold water to cover the bird totally. Keep it submerged during the brining process by using a plate inverted over it. Refrigerate for up to 24 hours.
Remove chicken from brine. Discard brine.
Pat bird dry, rub all over with butter. Add another layer of flavor by using a paste rub after the butter. (Busha Browne's is really, really good and you can get it online.)
Cook bird in whatever manner you wish. I did it in the oven, 450F for 15 minutes, 375 for another hour or so, until done. Grilling is also good.

Goodbye

Goodbye.
Gone ahead.
Seeing what you always knew was there. Gone ahead.
Dreams in life and life's dreams, apparent.
Goodbye.
Gone ahead.

Written for my dear friend Stacy, who unexpectedly died of a brain aneurysm many years before what should have been her time. A marvelous cook, dear friend, loving and proud parent.
Good bye, Stace... gone ahead.

A pinch here, a tad there...

One Thing Leads to Another

Decided to clean the front of the microwave today (you all already know what I think of that mike...) so sprayed it down with my handy-dandy refilled, environmentally friendly citrus cleaner. YUCK! Ok, clean the mike. Done. With the face of that thing shining, the faceboard above it looked a bit grungy. Hey, no prob. Spray that down, clean! Yay... no, wait a minute. Now the doors above the faceboard above the mike really look bad and those stupid white ceramic handles are pretty gross. Remove doors, dropping screw between stove and cupboard. Pry fingers from goo on doors. Remove hardware. Slather on citrus cleaner. Nope, that's not doing it. Try gel dishwasher detergent. Ok, that works. scrubscrubscrub rinse. Yuck, just yuck. Repeat on remaining 3 doors and hardware. Figured it's a good thing my grossitude index is pretty high or this would've done me in. The knobs took a little extra attention, too. Like a razor blade to remove encrusted whatever-that-is. I think I'll throw that green scrubby away because it's looking pretty sad and I can't seem to get all the brown stuff out of it. While I was up messing about I noticed the top of the fridge was pretty bad, nothing like the cupboards but still... Remove every last blasted thing from all fridge sides and top, climb up on stool, spray, wipe, spray, rinse. Ok. Much better. Except for the drizzles down the sides. Oh, yeah, and on the floor. So, wash down sides and floor. Good! Time to put the doors back on. Uh, there's the small problem of that missing screw. Fetch flashlight to peer down into what reveals itself as the crack of doom. OMG What IS all that stuff? Where did it come from? Damme, there's a mixing spoon down there, too. Retrieve poker from fireplace, get down on floor and use poker to drag as much uck out as possible. That leaves the stuff on the sides of both cupboard and stove. Hmmmmmmm, well, let's see. Ah, I know! Fetch Farmer's Grain Association Meeting 1918 wooden yardstick from closet, wrap with cloth, soak cloth in cleaner and start jamming it around in the space there. After a few minutes of that, feeling relieved that nobody had noticed what I was doing, I figured it looked better than it did. After putting everything away, sweeping up that awful stuff that came out of the Black Hole, and having a nice cup of coffee, I promised myself I wouldn't look too closely at the other top cupboards. Not yet.

At least I found that screw.


Hot Hot Hot

Having been approached by Himself with a plaint having to do with the recent lack of Jamaican-style Jerk in our diet, I decided to make the poor guy happy and do some up. (Mind you, there is not a chance of grilling it. The gas grill is in pieces for the winter and I'm not about the try to regulate a fire in the smoker or the small grill in a 40 mile per hour north wind. Just Not Gonna Do It. Not even for my sweetie.) DS1 and DIL brought back a little jar of authentic jerk seasoning from Jamaica over the holidays and it is really delicious. Only problem? It's not hot enough. The best answer for that is to brine the clucker, include all the ingredients that I would normally use as a marinade and hope for the best. So, that's what I've done. (If this works out I might post the recipe for the brine.) Besides the onion, garlic, sugars, spices and such-like, scotch bonnets are the pepper of choice for us fire-eaters.
I have a lot of them, too. They're in the freezer. What might not be evident to a casual onlooker is the fact that they tend to dehydrate in the freezer. This concentrates the capsaicin to an astounding degree. Either that or they just keep getting hotter by some mechanism unknown to me. I work with hot peppers a lot and they don't usually bother me, no sneezing, no burning skin, nothing. This ain't the case with these particular scotch bonnets. I wear gloves and try not to breathe very deeply. I also stem them and put them in my lovely mini-prep machine to grind them up, which I've found saves not only time but my nose. Usually. I figured since the chicken is over 5 pounds and there it takes quite a bit of brine to submerge a beast that size, I had better use 4 peppers. No problem there until I foolishly popped the lid from the prepper in mid-breath and promptly went into a sneezing fit. Please note, I wasn't bent over with my nose anywhere near that prep machine. As a matter of fact, it was at arm's length. Made no difference at all. Sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze... after more than 5 minutes of rhinoblastation, the nose settled down enough to allow me to pick the prepper bowl up and carefully rinse the contents of the prep into the pot with the brine before the pepper mash ate through my pink rubber gloves. After all, I have to save the gloves to be able to turn the chicken in the brine several times over the next few hours. And I ain't doing it with my bare hands. No way. No how.

Note to self: Idiot! Don't stick your face down next to the brine to see how it smells.

Bathroom Redux

We gutted and redid the main bath in 2006. That was surely a fun, fun time. (That's a lie. If I ever say that again, slap me.) As with the great majority of things in this house, the bathroom was a disaster. All gleaming white tile, idiotic 1970s swag light fixture. plate glass mirror that was (I swear!) 4 foot high by 8 foot long. I've seen smaller mirrors in dance studios. White w.c., white tub, teensy tiny tub, at that. White sink, white vanity, white drawer pulls, dark walnut trim and doors. The sheer blinding mass of whiteness, surpassed only by mid-antarctica on a sunny day, was accented by a royal blue shag rug. With foam backing. In a bathroom. That was a bright idea, folks, yes indeed. The tub had been fitted out with a set of wavy glass sliding doors that leaked. They not only leaked, they leaked badly. Know what happens to foam backed shag carpet over the course of 30 years of leakage? Yup. Mold, mildew and a rotted subfloor to boot. Yours truly is deathly allergic to mold and mildew and this state of affairs was simply not to be borne. We started out with the idea of just replacing that carpet with tile. But, once the carpet and pad were pulled up, the extent of damage was such that, well, let me just say it's fortunate the bathtub hadn't fallen through the floor into the bathroom downstairs. We also discovered that sometime back in the mists of time, the toilet had leaked, been pulled, refitted with the wrong wax ring, reseated and somebody stuck more tile around it to hide the problem. OK, so what the hell, let's just gut the mess and go from scratch. Which is just what we did.
Everyone here understands why I always get an urge to kick those hosts of television shows that redo a bathroom in 2 days. This particular project took months. MONTHS! Traipsing downstairs at 2 a.m. to go potty, taking showers in the boy's realm, after a few weeks of that, we just went out to the rv at night to piddle. Much easier and a lot cleaner. So we had a lovely new bath with all kinds of good things and it was warm and cozy and we have a whirlpool! Then a "small" problem rears it's head. The texturey-stuff on the ceiling, which we left intact during the redo, seems to be bubbling and falling off in chunks. Great. NOW what?
The "what" turns out to be one of those things that we deal with over and over, stupid stuff. The original builders, evidently suffering from a bad case of H.U.T.A. syndrome, didn't prime the raw, new sheetrock they installed. They applied paint directly to the gypsum board. Sorry, folks, no matter what you might like to believe? In a high-humidity area like a bathroom, even with a monster exhaust like we put in, paint will not seal sheetrock. Over the years, moisture has done some damage to the finish and at some time back there in the olden days, someone got the bright idea that since their paint was looking not-great, spray on a nice thick coat of texture. Where they got the idea that it would make a difference? Who knows.
Himself has been working on scraping that texture off since Sunday and the end is not in sight. Then he will skim coat, prime with some really good alcohol-based stuff and we shall try to figure out what color would look good as a final coat. Until then, no sinks, no tub, the w.c. works fine, just remember to wipe the seat well and take your toilet paper in with you. It's either embarrassing or comical to find oneself enthroned with no toilet paper, having to yell out "Somebody bring me the t.p., please?" When that somebody happens to be an 18 year old male? The pot is in direct line of sight when the door is opened even a little bit so the youngster has to figure out a way to stand to the side of the door and toss the roll in. Best you can hope for is that it lands somewhere within reach of the toilet brush, otherwise, you're gonna be drip-dry. This whole mess will be taken care of, eventually. Then we shall proceed on to the next mess, and the one after that, and the one after that and.....

Note to self: Hold breath while walking through kitchen. Brine seems to be getting a little odiferous.

can't think of an apt title for this one...

Pink? PINK? Who the flying eff buys something because it's PINK?

I know that there are brainless women who do buy anything, as long as it is pink. There are also brainless males who really believe that the beer commercials that feature a guy who is treating his lady with respect, ending up with a gigantic beer can flattening him to a grease spot in the driveway, is the way reality should be. Uh huh.

There is some ad guy in a snazzy suit, somewhere, sitting around thinking of ways to cozen the masses. There are probably scads of ad guys and gals, in reality, doing the exact same thing. No, wait, there ARE scads of them. Everywhere.

Scamming everyone seems to be a real common thing, nowadays. Anyone seen that moron flogging the "shamwow" thingamabob on television? He wears a bluetooth headset like he is having a running dialogue with God or someone. Sham-wow, indeed.

Now, back to the topic...

Women with "food issues?" What? Food issues? Boyfriends monitoring food intake? WTF? There should be someone watching you to make sure you don't eat chocolate? Here is a direct quote from the MoJo article:

"...paranoid heterosexual women whose eating habits are monitored by their boyfriends..."

Paranoid heterosexual women? What? How about someone watching me so I don't bitch-slap someone telling me what I should or shouldn't be eating, drinking or wearing?

Then there is the "sparkle" factor. Riiiiiight. Golly gee whiz, all us not too bright females just can't resist those sparkles. Oh, sparkles with the pinkage! Pinky sparklies! ooooooh. Do the advertisers think we are all 9 year old girls, emotionally and mentally? Infatuated with the "hunkage" at the next desk? Shallow, uneducated, foolish women who have not enough wits to look at an ad campaign and know they are being gulled, bamboozled and insulted?

Ok, that was a stupid question because there must be someone out there what actually buys that kind of swill. If there were no buyers, there would be no advertisers doing their thing. There are as many shallow, uneducated and happily ignorant and unobservant females in the world as there are males of the same kind.

I'm just tired of all of them.

Excellent!

I don't normally inject politics into this blog but I can't resist giving you this link:

Feldman

As usual, excellent words from Mr. Feldman. I agree, wholeheartedly.

Ain't we got fun!

For all you lovers of words, check out savethewords.org. I just adopted "vicambulate*," and will use it for flosculating* this bromography*. After all, wouldn't do to be accused of being soloecal*.

Be ready!


vicambulate: walk about in the streets (don't do much of that anymore)
flosculate: to embellish or ornament speech (hoping it applies to written speech)
bromography: a systematic, extensive written discourse on food. (applies more to Escoffier than me, to be honest.)
soloecal: provincially incorrect (this will be a very useful word, indeed)

Epic FAIL

It doesn't happen often but when it does, it is really bad. I'm not talking about earaches, sick kids or tornadoes, I'm talking about a oft-prepared dish that simply goes totally awry. Last night it was a basic, very basic, bolognese.

Yesterday turned out to be a long, loooooong day. We picked up and installed the new dishwasher. The installation started oddly as the instructions are packed inside the machine but the door wouldn't open. Since there were no instructions anywhere in sight, I looked up the Maytag site and they did have .pdf copies of all necessary stuff. Turns out, unbeknownst to all but actual repair people, the door is held shut by a piece of metal underneath it that must be removed before you can get to the instructions. Uh HUH. I see. After taking the 90° brass fitting and power supply cord from the old dishwasher, Himself proceeded to wire, attach and finagle things until, at long last, the machine was installed and working fine. Then we discovered that, even after thinking of absolutely everything, the silverware drawer won't open because the dishwasher can't be flush-mounted. OK, switch drawers around, no problem.

This was a good opportunity to go through my utensil drawers and sort them out. Have the contents in two tubs and, if I don't use them within 6 months, out they all go! woowoo.

Then scrub the kitchen cabinets and floor, clean out under the fridge, haul about 7 loads of laundry up and down, monitor a trip to an emergency room 100+ miles away made by DS1 and DIL, after which time it was nigh on supper time. Digging around in the freezer brought no brainstorms, we have no prepared soup so soups and grilled cheese was out. What to do?

Ahhhhh! The old stand-by, pasta. Well, it's usually a standby.

This time it turned out SO bad words fail me. Everything went as it normally does:

• onions
• garlic
• tomato paste
• tomatoes
• herbs
• salt
• pepper
• etc etc etc*

Turned out just horrible. I don't always put wine in the sauce so that isn't the problem. The onion and garlic were fine. Herbs fresh and flavorful. Ground meat as usual, nothing odd there. That leaves the tomatoes. But what was wrong with the tomatoes?

I preserve tomatoes 3 different ways. Cook some down pretty far then bag the results to go in the freezer. This I did with the fruit we grew down on the terraces. The remaining yield is made into stewed tomatoes and chunky tomatoes, which are then pressure canned. I normally use one jar of stewed and one jar of chunky but, for no apparent reason, put two bags of the frozen in on top of the canned. The result was so bad that DS3 wouldn't eat it. It's back on the stovetop while I try to figure out some way to rescue it as I really hate wasting food. It's bland, watery and simply has no "oomph." Phooey.

That, in and of itself, was disheartening enough. Adding insult to injury was the fact that, like a moron, I used salted butter for the garlic bread and it turned out so salty it's inedible. Can't even give it to the birds.

Like I said, epic FAIL.


* Told you it was very basic.